Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
So today I get a warning from one of the "moderators" (read: power hungry assholes who spends waaaayyy too much time on the computer. Sad, really. He probably just needs a girlfriend to love him. Or a cat.) about my "innappropriate link." Took me a minute or two to figure out that it was my blog (*sigh. No one gets me.*), and I removed it immediately.
Hours after I'd already removed it, he posts this delightful little nugget on my blog post about the boots I've been lusting after:
"Those are adorable. I wants those. They will keep me warm while I give you warnings."
Before I actually KNEW THE TRUTH, I typed out this typical Mandyland response:
"A) These boots are clearly for women. I don't think think they make them large enough to fit your ego. But, judging by your penis size, I'm pretty sure you could get these, in like a kids size 5, so you'll probably be ok. I have the Web site if you'd like it!
B) I don't taunt you on your board, so don't taunt me on mine. Because, sweetie, I have girls. And my girls have girls. And everybody knows when you piss off one, you piss off them all.
Now I'll let you get back to your hand and bottle of lotion now. Hope your Everquest raid is swell."
OK, the truth is my stupid ass friend Mo (you suck) actually left the remark with the dude's name. The moral* of the story is
pissed blogging is waaaay more fun than drunk blogging.
* Bill adds two other morals: make sure your target of your ire actually committed the offense and secondly, if you're punking -- 'fess up before somebody goes apeshit. But Bill's morals are stronger than my morals, obviously.
THE ORIGINAL PAIR OF UGGS I ORDERED JUST SHIPPED DIRECTLY FROM THE FREAKIN' COMPANY!!
I had originally ordered them from the Ugg Web site in December, but they were backordered until April. I found them through a Canadian company last week, so I went ahead and bought those. Then got a shipping notice this morning that the ones from the Ugg site had also shipped. How's that for irony on a rainy Tuesday morning?
So there'll be an extra pair of Uggs Cardy black size 8 boots on eBay next week if anybody cares.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Saturday, January 26, 2008
which we've never done before, and lunch with the princesses at Akershus in Epcot (he hates the food there, but it's worth for Boo to get to see all of them at once) while he works.
I'm so excited.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Mandyland reader and friend of mine, Mal, had an endoscomy today under heavy sedation.
"According to my husband, here is what I had to say while coming out of it:
1. I sang the entire Wonder Pets theme song.
2. I told DH in a stage whisper all about the esophogus issues of the guy in the curtain next to me.
3. I announced my doctor was cute."
And, she adds, her doctor *is* "wicked cute." So this is a total "Moment of Truth."
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Replace that soccer ball with the BLACK UGG CARDY BOOTS I've been lusting after for three months. If they actually come from the obscure Web site I just ordered them from, I will die with happiness since they're backordered on the Ugg Web site until 4/15/08 and selling for $200+ on eBay. (Note to Bill: Be sure to bury me in my Uggs.)
The following is an instant message conversation with my mother (who's cool like that).
do they fit?
do u like them?
MANDYLAND: I don't have them IN yet; just ordered them from an obscure shoe website
MANDYLAND: googled and found them
MANDYLAND:i n stock
MANDYLAND: they've already been located in stock according to the web site
MOM: what site?
MANDYLAND: Not only are they on sale (reg. $140 at ugg.com) but I had a code!
MANDYLAND: So I got them for $109.35 w/ free shipping
MANDYLAND: I might weep with joy
MANDYLAND: I want to do a victory lap around the office
MOM: Sorry. I think they might be the ugliest shoes I've ever seen.
MANDYLAND: no, wee
MANDYLAND: you are wrong
MANDYLAND: They're one of Oprah's Favorite Things for 2007
MOM: So is Barrack Obama, but I'm not sure about him, either
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Saturday, January 19, 2008
This is henceforth the Official Vehicle of Mandyland.
* You know it's hot that I know this.
Now, this is conjecture, but I believe the greater American populace would concur with me that what I saw today is completely unacceptable. First, while in the Disney Store, I saw a 20-something woman in pajama bottoms, fuzzy slippers and an oversized sweatshirt. And she was buying kids clothing, I assume, for her child. Which makes one think that she is effing old enough to know that fuzzy slippers are not appropriate shoewear for Wal-Mart, let alone the mall.
Second, as we were leaving, I saw a 60-year-old woman wearing leggings and those huge fuzzy knee-height boots. The ones with the pom-poms. Clearly, no one outside of an Alaskan dog-sledder or above the age of 25 should be sporting those. I was embarassed for her. The only thing worse would have been if she were naked.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Wonka Nerds Rope, 24-Count: $18.99. Seriously. If you need 24 Nerd ropes, you need to move past the third grade.
The JanSport Revelation Waist Pack with Water Bottle: $99.99-$24.99 (price depends on color. And if you really care about color, you're a tool to the nth degree on this one). This thing is clearly no Beer Belly. Which is perfect for sneaking booze past the nazis manning the gates at Churchill Downs during Derby. Not that I've ever done that.
6 3/4 Carat Blue Topaz and Rhodolite Sterling Silver Ring: $38. Also known as the fugliest piece of jewelry on the planet. Maybe it's nicer on, but I'm thinking no. Guys, I know Valentine's Day is coming up, but if you give this to your girl, it is a downward spiral to no sex for, like, three weeks. So just don't. (Besides, WTF is Rhodolite?)
Master Lock 22-Inch 9-Link Street Cuffs Lock: $42.99. I think this is a bike lock. But it clearly should have been in Amazon's Personal Care section. See also: S&M; dominatrix; kink.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
It seems we're over the worst of this funk in this house -- Boo's back to playing and Bill's doing a little better. My face still feels totally swollen from the sinus pressure and my ears hurt. I'm just hoping this doesn't turn into a sinus infection. I seem to get one of those every other month...
I'm actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow!
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Last Saturday, Bill went to the immediate care center with a fever, horrible sore throat, aches and pains, chills, etc... He's been at home recuperating ever since.
Monday, I took BooBerry to school and went to work. Her teacher called about 10:30 and said she had a fever, sore throat, yada yada yada. So I had a sick husband at home, a sick kid I had to take to the doctor's office ...
... and wouldn't you know it, I stayed home yesterday to take care of them both -- and started getting sick myself.
Now, I have a good, old-fashioned head cold that blind-sighted me sans sore throat, so I wasn't able to start Zicamming it. I feel totally ick, Boo still has a fever and has to stay home -- and Bill has to go to work, so there's nobody to take care of me.
Being a sick Mommy sucks.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
My body is worth $4,165. Yay, me.
BooBerry has taken to saying "awww, tartar sauce!" whenever something doesn't go her way. For instance:
ME: Boo, it's time for nap!
BOOBERRY: Awwwww, tartar sauce!
Apparently, it's what Spongebob Squarepants says when he's frustrated. So be cool like the preschoolers and say "tartar sauce!" today.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
This is me this weekend (click on it to read it. It's cute). Bill is horribly sick following his trip to CES in Las Vegas, with a raw throat and 102.8 F fever. So after being SuperMom all week, I was looking forward to a little downtime this weekend. Instead, I had a sick husband, a bored child and a house that looked like the Proffitt house in "Overboard" (you remember it -- the one with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell. Yeah, it's that bad).
So of course I woke up in a bad mood, but I rolled up my proverbial sleeves and dug in. I got two loads of dishes done, started on the laundry, did Boo's poster below, packed up the rest of the holiday decorations to go into the basement, cleaned up the great room, vacuumed, sorted through the week's mail and made lunch, all before noon.
I. am. beat. We will be having pizza for dinner because Mama? Ain't cookin'.
My hands are covered in super glue, we lost the "B" in her name and had to spend 20 minutes looking for it and I never did find the bottle of Tacky Glue that obviously some burglar broke into the house and stole because it is gone, but I got it done.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Still, if you get a chance to try this stuff, it's great. I had the original flavor.
Today, BooBerry and I went to the mall while Bill went to the immediate care center (he wanted to get a strep test because his throat is RAW and he has a fever). Since we had just dropped off my car to get my Sirius radio installed, we were down to one car.
So we got dropped off so Boo didn't have to sit in the immediate care center.
OK, so we had a great girl time, eating Cinnamon Crunch bagels at Panera Bread, hitting up the Semi-Annual Sale at Victoria's Secret (Bella was my official smeller for the morning, since she has a FABULOUS sniffer. She smelled one lotion at VS, wrinked her nost and said, "It smells like green beans." Obviously, we didn't buy that one.), and seeing what was left of the big sale at Bath and Body Works (SCORE.)
So, as we're leaving, I see this GORGEOUS woman with cafe au lait skin, perfect blown-out hair, huge Chanel shades, an expensive black trenchcoat and scarf, and perfectly distressed jeans walking into the mall. In heels. High heels. (Aside from the velour mom track suit I'm wearing, my Sketchers were silver and totally cute.) I DO NOT GET women who wear high heels to the mall.
OK, maybe she was just stopping in for a quick lip gloss. Or maybe she had to pick up some mousse at the hair place in the mall.
Or maybe she's just a ho bag* who needs to realize that heels should only be purchased at the mall. Not worn there. Idiot.
* Yeah, I'm a hater.
Friday, January 11, 2008
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Now, two things can only come of that for me:
2) Frequent Flyer Miles
I have a passport, but it is dated 1998 (or 1999), is in my maiden name and has exactly three stamps in it for my three international trips –– Barbados, Paris and St. Thomas. Only one trip, our honeymoon, was post 9/11 in 2001, and I'm not even sure I got a stamp for that one since it is technically a US territory. (Although it's a funky-assd one -- I've never seen so many loose cows, goats and scary hills in my life. I swear I thought our bus was going to tumble down one of those crumbling hills at at minute. I had my inhaler in my hand the whole time.)
So now I have one of two options -- to just get a brand new one (and I'll have to wait until the cold sores clear up if I'm going to get a picture made fer sure) or to get mine renewed with my new name. The second option is cheaper (but still requires a herpes-free picture and I don't know how long it is good for). I have no idea where our original marriage license is (Bill might, though), but I do know where my old passport is. So that's a plus.
Still, I hope Bill gets to go someplace good. And not, like, Tibet or Yugoslavia, especially since my Uggs are on back order.
moar funny pictures
ETA: This LOLCAT of MY cats made it to the voting page at I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER!. It was on page 28 last I checked ... thanks to my pal, Mal, for letting me know! And, go vote for Callie and Porkfat! The LOLCATs have 409 PERFECT cheezburgers!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
"David Caruso just walked by with his four handlers," Bill said.
Yeah, I had to google David Caruso.
We got home at about 4:45 p.m. It's now 9:30 p.m. and I. Just. Sat. Down. Here's what filled the time:
* Got the mail
* Filled the bird feeders
* Fixed supper*
* Fed the cats
* Cut out 278 effing Campbell's Labels for Education from Pepperidge Farms bread bags (I'm not kidding. My hands freakin' hurt after an hour and a half. I completely forgot I had to do this for the PTA. I'm so proud I didn't slice my hand open with the box cutter I was using.)
* Watched STRANGER SAFETY with BooBerry TWICE and tried to make the concept of a "Kinda Know" person (FYI? Your swim coach, Little League coach, Dad's friend, etc. are all "Kinda Know" people) to a four-year-old who thinks everyone is AWESOME (she now knows to kick all strangers in the balls** while yelling "NO! YOU'RE NOT MY MOM! NO! YOU'RE NOT MY DAD!")
* Cleaned the litter box
* Did the dishes
* Did one load of laundry
* Put B in the shower and dried her hair
* Packed her backpack since school starts up again tomorrow (WTF with the random Monday off)
* Medicine, toothbrushing, song & snuggle, bed
Whew. Finally. I get to settle down to "Dance War: Bruno vs. Carrie Ann" when, WAIT. Boo is missing her puppy, which is downstairs on the chair. She's hollering for it. I run it upstairs. She wants hugs. Because she is sad and missing Daddy.
And finally. Finally. I get to sit.
Single moms, you are freakin' awesome.
* OK, I heated up left overs. But at least I fucking did it over Taco Bell.
** Well, the ball-kicking might be MY OWN PERSONAL addition to the DVD. They seem to have left that part out.
It's going to be 72 degrees here today.
In early January!
All those naysayers who think global warming doesn't exist are welcome to come sit on my front porch this afternoon. We're serving sweet tea and fly swatters.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
But I digress.
In the first dream, I was in college, and the part I remember was my room was right across the hall from Bill's (mind you, we didn't even go to the same college for undergrad) and the door to the room next to his kept opening on its own. When I left my room, I kept shutting it because I didn't want anyone to steal anything. Finally, I remember him and a friend walking down the hall holding gifts for a Secret Santa exchange. As I approached him from the opposite end, they both tried to hide the presents. In a fit of rage, I snatched them up and tore open the packages. Bill's said "TO AMY FROM BILL". Both were
Grumpy Bear. In two sizes. And Bill's was smaller. (WTFFFFFFFF?)
Then I woke up, or that's all I remember. I have no idea who "Amy" is, and I know Bill doesn't even know an "Amy." But I pity Bill and imaginary Amy for the wrath that was about the be released on them. I was even pissed when I woke up (double WTF?).
In the second dream, my family and I were swimming in the Louisiana bayou in a small, deep river (yeah, nevermind the fact that they're probably teeming with gators. I never said these dreams made sense.) And my parents' dog, Ginger (she's supposed to be part-collie, but it had to be a collie mating with a collie, cuz we don't see anything else in her) was with us. We had big floating rafts, and we didn't see Ginger for a while. I swam over to a raft, flipped it over to climb on, and Ginger was dead beneath it. I grabbed her, performed doggie mouth-to-mouth. And she was saved.
Finally (are you still with me?), I dreamed my brother was getting married (same girl. It just hadn't happened yet). I was chatting on a deck with my sorority sisters (???) and my dad came in and started yelling at me that we had to get started (double ????). I went to get "something old" out of an old jewelry box I have ...
... and found about a dozen old pairs of earrings that match my new aquamarine ring
that you guys voted for. And then BooBerry woke me up, and it was already 8 a.m. (Bless her for sleeping in.)
So, uhhhhh, yeaaahhh, that was my night... how was yours?
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Boo ended up with this one:
and I have to admit, it's pretty cute in the Valentine's Day pink and red fairy dress it (she?) is wearing. But I saw about 10 eight-year-olds at some kid named Emily's birthday party there (and, really? Do we all have to sing Happy Birthday Cha Cha Cha to Emily, who I don't know and will never see again? Umm, no.) and I just kept thinking that that birthday party? Cost twice as much as the Uggs I want.