Shit happens.

And then some asshole behind you gets out
her video camera for posterity.

Epic Quote.

Last night, while watching Survivor, I realized that nothing I say today will ever be as good as this:

Tyson: I love seeing people cry, when you crush their dreams."

I might as well just go home and go to bed.

I haven't died.

I'm just swamped ... leaving for Portland next week then home just for the weekend before hopping on another plane to Las Vegas.

Sometimes the life of a magazine writer ain't all it's cracked up to be...

My kid & my nephew.

Congratulations, Kate.

Nice work, Famous Dave's E-mail Headline Writers...

Looks like he ate it anyway, tho...

No Penis Jokes, Please.

So I went to the orthopedic surgeon yesterday, and apparently my broken fifth effing metatarsal hasn't repaired itself a fraction of an inch since the first week of January, which means I'm a good candidate for a ...

(Not my foot)

... bone growth stimulator. I get to "rent" it and have it delivered to my house just like I'm a 90-year-old memaw on oxygen.

I'd rather just have a big beefy Swede name Sven

"Hi, I'm Sven."

go at my foot for, like, 6 hours a day but I guess this shit will have to do.

Hope that shit is portable because I have three trips in the next six weeks.

Don't Cross the Streams.

You know what's FAAAAABulous?

Like, 8 episodes of back-to-back CHEATERS.

You think MY fears are irrational...

... ok so I have a fear of buttons and of babies with their ears pierced, but if you go to Google.com and type in "I am extremely" and watch the auto fill... Check out the last entry.

Because I love youse guys...

Why Men Should Not Buy Baby Clothes...

(via my BFF in my in-box this morning!)

I am so friggin' sick!

I have bronchitis, I think, or a family of those Mucinex snot booger people living in my chest. I am also trippin' pretty hard on the Robitussin DM... we had a test of the outdoor tornado sirens yesterday and I was dead asleep on the couch. When they turned on, I rolled of the couch and onto the floor like I was in 'Nam ducking for cover. Awesome.

This KITTEH means bizness.

Happy Birthday, Bill!

In honor of Bill's birthday today, I took the liberty of Googling "Happy Birthday Bill!"

The follow are a few of the results, in true Google WTF style:







So, Happy Birthday, honey! I effing love Google.

File Under: A Pirates Life for Me!

Stupidity.

Drugs Are Awesome.

"Hey, dad ... how 'bout you put the camera phone up your ass and drive me home. Also, why is this happening to me?"

PSA RE: Christmas Decorations.

I came into work via the Highlands this morning and saw at least three houses with Christmas wreaths still on the windows and brick. People, take down your Christmas decorations. It's February. Your house hates you for it and it makes you look like an asshole to your neighbors.