Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
"Bella had me draw a prince and princess on the dry erase board in the conference room where the kids were playing Wii. She told me to write "Do not erase" by it and add "immediably because sometimes people don't read words." By which she meant, of course, add some exclamation points.
I asked if she wanted me to write "Property of Bella". She said, "YES!.....What's 'property of' mean?" She then took the eraser and hid it behind the video unit and pushed chairs all around it so no one could see it because, as she said, "They might have a meeting in here and need this board."
So Mandy and Bill, if you've inexplicably lost something around the house, you might want to ask Miss B. She's a doll and one of a kind!"
Oh. Wow. She totally gets that from her dad, editorgb. (insert innocent whistling smilie here.) Thanks for the story!
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Choice 2: Got to "Bring Your Kid to Work Day" at Bill's office. Now, if your version of Bring Your Kid to Work Day is a vision of NBC's The Office, you're WRONG. They have giveaways and a balloon guy and an animal guy and pizza... it's super fun.
She decided to go to work with Daddy, and got to hold a real snake:
BOO: Mommy! I got to hold a snake! A real snake! And it was HUGE! And the animal guy -- he knew my name, Mommy!
ME: He did!?! How did he know your name?
BOO: He sat by me in HIGH SCHOOL!
Here's a really girly MEME but if you're feeling secure in your masculinity, boys, feel free to copy.
Attached or Single: attached
Best Friend: Bill
Cake or Pie: Cake
Day of Choice: Friday night
Essential Item: A book. Can't live without them.
Favorite Color: Yellow. Just makes me feel happy.
Greatest Accomplishment: Booberry
Hometown: Louisville, KY
January or July: January. I hate heat.
Kids: 1: BooBerry
Life is incomplete without: Books, wine, pizza, reality television, my family
Marriage Date: October 6, 2001
Number of Siblings: 1 brother
Oranges or Apples: Apples. I miss them with these dang braces.
Phobias or Fears: tornados; buttons (STFU. It's a real phobia.); spiders
Quotes: "Monica, dear, that was a precious little story. Now, be a sweetheart and fix mommy another martini." -- Mik Wright
Reason to Smile: picking Boo up from school
Season: Fall. Just the right temp for jeans and a hoodie
Tag Five Friends: eh. Tag yourselves.
Unknown Fact About Me: I have my own Webkinz account. Shhh--don't tell Boo.
Very Favorite Store: Trader Joe's
Worst Habit: Short temper
X-ray or Ultrasound: Dumb question, but I'll say x-ray.
Your Favorite Food: Jelly Belly jelly beans
Zodiac Sign: Pisces.
Yeah, that was me. Doing a happy dance of joy* in my cubicle, for I just bought tickets to WICKED in Lousiville in January!
Oh, sure, I had to buy tickets for "Mama Mia!" (ABBA music? Who's that?) and "Spring Awakening" (which I actually DO want to see). But the result is FOURTH ROW CENTER for Wicked. Ye haw!!
* It involves the cabbage patch, Arsenio Hall's fist pump and the Roger Rabbit. Got the picture? Great. Read on.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
We finally found and bought a copy today. I played one song and got boo'd off the stage and got my feelings hurt by an imaginary audience and said "F*ck this, man." I'll never play again. Stupid game. I'm going back to Webkinz.
So we headed to the 9ONE preparty and met the entire 9ONE gang, and then all headed to random bar, Woody's, for the party. The evening involved yelling over rap music, bad karaoke*, a female truck driver attempting to get anyone to come out and look at her rig (in both the figurative and literal senses -- Charmed, you so missed this is was right after you left. I seriously messed with her. SO FUN.), some random dude trying to mack on me** in front of my husband, and some watered down vodka tonics.
Also, the highlight of the evening had absolutely nothing to do with drunken debauchery or truck drivers. It has to do with this:
HEATED TOILET SEATS. At Hiko-A-Mon, Charmed and I went potty together as girls are oft to do, and we sat down in separate stalls and both went "Oooooooo!" Then we made Bill go into the men's room to see if they had one in there, too but HA! You boys get a COLD SEAT so it sucks to be you!
* Some stupid bitches stole my ONE karaoke song, Summer Nights from "Grease". And Ryan the Intern was going to sing with me.
** Hey. Free drink, though.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
I rolled out of the garage 10 minutes late –– and got about 5 miles from home when I realized I'd forgotten a very necessary box of ladies' items in the bathroom.
That prompted an emergency stop at Walgreen's (no, Bill, I don't know how that Webkinz jumped into my bag. That seems to happen a lot to me. Doesn't it happen to you, too? No? Hmm... that's weird.). As I was cruising down Bardstown Road, I nearly came to a halt when I realized that I'd left my library book on the back of Bill's bumper. I'd planned on reading outside last night and ended up talking to the neighbors instead.
So I frantically attempted to reach my husband via cellphone but he was dropping Boo off and didn't get the call. He called me back and said he hadn't seen my book when he put her in the car this morning, but he ran back home and sure enough, it was in the middle of the street -- luckily unscathed.
I just got a call from a reader disputing something we published in the magazine more than a year ago and he wanted us to print a retraction. Step off, sweet cheeks. It ain't gonna happen.
Also, here are some truly random WTF? images when I googled "Today is not my day":
And whatever he's doing back there cannot be good.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
Yeah, sucks bad, doesn't it.
It's laproscopic, so I'll only be off my feet for about four days, but I plan to:
1) milk it for all it's worth
2) save up a bunch of Maurys so I can find out who my baby daddy is
3) blow my low-carb diet and order a whole barbecue chicken and bacon 'za from Papa John's for lunch. (What a rebel I am.)
We're going to have Boo's birthday party (she wants a Hawaii theme. WTF?) the weekend before so it'll be knocked out of the water before I'm knocked under.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Friday, June 13, 2008
OMG, OX, and this whole time I thought martinis would take me to the light. I've been wrong the whole time. I understand now, O Great One of the Mist. I shall go forth and partake of the Bengal...
After that, I wandered through Big Lots*** where a delightful 12-year-old boy held the door open for both me and a woman with a cart exiting -- I tried to find his mama and tell her she was raising that boy right, but I didn't see them -- and bought a shitload of stuff for 50 bucks.
I then wandered down to Cracker Barrel in search of the retired Webkinz racoon I'd seen there a couple of weeks ago. They were out and I was a bit disappointed, but an industrious employee found one in the back for me. SCORE!
Then it was off to Sam's to see if they had the 6-pk of Chardonnay for $21 that I like, but sadly that deal was short-lived (Prohibition bastards...).
I went to the library and picked up my reserve copy of The House at Riverton, which I don't even remember reserving but apparently I read a review of it somewhere and thought I'd read it. (BTW, Brenda Novak's Trust Me is really good. I'm enjoying the richness of her characters. Damn. I don't usually put that much substance into my posts. Cookie for me for insight.)
Finally ended my rainy afternoon at the bank and at Boo's school, where I picked her up early. I thought she'd be happy to see me, but instead she was pissed that she didn't get to finish her science project (this week's summer camp is Wacky Science Week! And we're all about science! In this house!)
AAAAAAAAAAAnnnd, that's it. Busy afternoon, boring evening. Nothing on TV, so I'm updating my iPod. Good times.
* HA! F*ck off, Courier-Journal.
** Robin Garr, you're wrong. It sucks.
*** Shut up. A bargain is a bargain.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
So I clinked the LINK to the Pride apparel.
Now, I'm not so sure how the Amazonian big-whigs sitting around a boardroom table came up with some of this shit, but if I were gay*, I would totally be offended. How presumptuous of the company to assume that these clothes are preferred by the gay community (granted, the douchebag community would love many of these pieces, but I digress...).
* Oh, Wentworth. (sigh)
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
We had chicken for dinner. I dipped it in buffalo sauce. Does that count as a topic? Hmmm... sadly, no. Because you people don't give a shit that Bill and I have started low carb. Again.
Hold the bun, plzkthxbai.
What about what I'm reading? Trust Me by Brenda Novak. I'm not far enough into it to really Roger Ebert it, so that doesn't count, either.
The cicadas are still bad. There's a carpenter bee boring a hole into my decorative shelf on the porch -- yeah, the same damn one that the doves nested in AND another dove nested in last week, but I scared it off and left the nest and one egg behind. That shelf? Is full of FAIL.
Oh, here's some news: Boo's HARDSHIP TRANSFER was approved. We got the official letter last week. She had "champagne" (sparkling grape juice. Actually FLAT sparkling grape juice left over from Derby) in a flute:
I think I'm more excited about it than she is. So she should be able to complete all 6 primary grades there, and I'll be an awesome PTA mom. I'm sooo the Lynette Scavo of the neighborhood.
TV sucks right now. And will until "Big Brother" starts in July.
Anybody else got anything good going on?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Saturday, June 7, 2008
For those of you not schooled in the happiness that is LUSH, they're handmade face and body products and they feel sooooooo good. Like butterflies kissing my skin (ok, imagine me saying this in a high-pitched squeal after drink two martinis and now you get the picture).
Here are my favorite products (also known as The Ones I've Tried):
Helping Hands -- THE best hand lotion EVER. Melts into your skin, leaves no residue, doesn't feel like you just gave somebody a handjob (ew)... need I say more?
Buffy body butter. I've used sugar scrubs in the past, but holy cow. This one is AMAZING.
Angels on Bare Skin. I use this in the fall, winter and spring. Perfect year-round if you don't have combination skin, like me.
Herbalism. This is great in the summer, when the Kentucky heat & humidity screws up mah natural complexion. I know it looks like baby poop, but it is AWESOME for oily skin.
When I was in Minneapolis last week, the girls at the LUSH counter in Macy's introduced me to Coalface and some sample of a face mask which is upstairs and I'm too lazy to run up there and look it up ... but, regardless I'll let you know...
Thursday, June 5, 2008
2) Mall. of. America. Four hours, four floors, many dollars.
Here's the haul that I can remember off the top of my head, because ZOMG you would not believe the power shopping I did -- I was a shopping ninja (HIIIYAH, NORDSTROM!): a Betsy Johnson reversible tote; pair of Havaianas; black belted sweater; a Hanna Andersson outfit + an extra t-shirt for Boo; "My Kindergarten Year" book for Boo; Helping Hands lotion and assorted other bath products from the LUSH counter at Macy's; sugar scrub from Bath & Body Works; my dad's Father's Day gift; two Webkinz (shhh, don't tell Bill) ... My bag was stuffed to its max capacity.
3) Found sushi at the Mall of America. Was aiight for Minnesota raw fish that isn't a walleye.
Tiger Sushi from my phone's camera.
4) Spongebob is a hottie. The newly opened Nickelodeon Universe looks like SO much fun if you're a 12-year-old. Or Bill.
5) O'Hare SUCKS. Seriously bad. Our flight from ORD (O'Hare) to MSP was CANCELLED on the way up there... United stuck us on a flight that was actually EARLIER than our initial flight, but our luggage didn't make it. So they told us they'd send it to the hotel.
Fair enough. IF it mde it, right?
Not only did it make it, but the fine folks at the Sofitel had already delivered it to our rooms. Excellent.
O'Hare still sucks, though, and here's why: On our flight home, we were an hour late arriving into ORD. Our photographer and I RAN to the shuttle, RAN to the gate with 5 minutes to spare before boarding started.
And we stood there.
For an hour-and-a-f*cking-half. With only 12 seats in ONE gate to accommodate FOUR outbound flights. In a terminal that had absolutely no airconditioning. My sweat was sweating. It was crawling-through-the-desert-because-your-camel-died-from-the-heat hot.
We got home just an hour or so late -- I'm not really sure, I think I blacked out somewhere in there...
6) Why has no one told me out Super Target before? I walked through the doors and I swear I heard angels singing in the distance. The big ol' Awesomeness that is Super Target sells all kinds of upscale beauty products that I have to drive all over town for (such as Bumble & Bumble hair products and select Origins skincare stuff). And I bought Boots day cream and night cream in a super cheap set. You people with Super Targets better recognize what you got and own it.
7) Our GPS unit tried to take us from Blaine, MN to MOA over the 35W bridge, which collapsed last year. And apparently if you deviate from her directions, she will school you in humility, stopping just short of calling you a "non-driving muthafucka" (Bill's favorite insult hurled at poor, unsuspecting drivers). We took a detour through an unbelievably clean downtown Minneapolis and eventually she got us on our way.
8) Black socks with white tennis shoes. It's a don't, people. I'm going to print out business cards with that phrase on it and start handing them out at airports and malls.
9) While eating at La Fougasse, we were close enough to the kitchen to experience an executive chef barking out orders exactly like Chef Ramsay on Hell's Kitchen." I actually got little butterflies in my tummy hearing out "one scallop, one fillet medium rare, two potatoes, one asparagus!!!!" and then some semblance of "YES, CHEF!" from the cooks. So aspiring chefs, that shit? Is real.
10) I hurt. I have a blister on my toe, my back is killing and I can't get cooled down no matter how many showers I take. But the shopping? So. worth. it.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Boo totally got freaked out by the myriad of cicadas that had infested the park ... one landed on her and you would have thought she got set on fire thanks to the SCREAMING. really. Charming.
I walked down to the lake and had a slice of bread I was munching on. I saw a few geese in the lake and absentmindedly tossed in a bite of bread and BAM! GEESE FLOCK!!!! So Boo ran down with a handful of crackers and tried to throw one in and the wind blew the cracker crumbs BACK INTO HER EYE. OMG. DRAAAAAAAMMMMMZ. Screaming, crying. Damn... those poor geese.
So, Happy Birthday to Nana. I won't try to explain my blog to her since the idea of Webkinz seems to kick her ass.
** Shut up, Ryan.