Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
1.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandparent on your mom's side, your favorite candy)
Zola Jelly Belly (OK, that? Sucks.)
3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name)
M-DET (oh hell, yeah. I'm starting my own M-DET brand now)
4. YOUR PORN NAME: (first pet and current street name)
Butcher Alderbrook (damn. I sound like a 1940s ganster in Brooklyn. BTW -- Shelly, you win with "Princess Ambrosse")
5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Jane Louisville (Lame.)
6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name, and first 3 letters of siblings name)
Detma Pasco (Fabulous. I can see me in a long pink dress now. Admit it. That's an effing great name. They should cast me in the new movie.)
7. TERRORIST NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name spelled backwards)
8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, favorite drink)
"The Yellow Martini" (Fear the olives, evil doers)
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Saturday, April 26, 2008
With that said, here are the 5 Worst Ice Cream Truck Stories:
**A man from Brooklyn, NY became enraged when his $18,000 custom ice cream truck was taking too long to complete. Rather than relax with a delicious snow cone, he took a train to visit the manufacturer in Oregon and shot an employee in the head.
** Cops arrested a man in Texas selling $5 to $10 bags of marijuana to school children from an ice cream truck. Police didn't witness any sales, but they found drugs mixed in with the frozen deserts (ed: told you). Although the outside showed pictures of the delicious dairy treats, the inside had plenty of drug paraphernalia. The song of the ice cream truck signaled that "pot-sickles" were coming.
** In an incident of ice cream truck road rage, the driver of an ice cream truck stabbed a man in the chest with a screwdriver in south Florida. The man told police that he was being followed by the ice cream truck and was stabbed after getting out of his car to confront the driver.
** In Kansas City, some dude flipped out after ordering an ice cream sandwich from an Ice Cream truck and started shooting. The driver had serious injuries.
** A man in the UK was convicted of piracy when he sold bootlegged CDs, DVDs, and video games from his ice cream truck.
Friday, April 25, 2008
My friend Lori, who has been living in Turkey since 2006, has returned to the land of the living this month and will be visiting this weekend. We're sorority sisters, former housesmates and bridesmaids in each other's weddings. Sometimes, you just click with a person, and despite distance, time and life changes, you somehow manage to stay friends. The pictures of the military base in Turkey
We've got brunch at Limestone on Sunday morning –– always a good time with Bill's aunt and her roommate. Although this time we made the reservations for 1 p.m. –– stupid Kentucky laws. Stupid no Bloody Marys before 1 p.m.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Both nominated in the end. Who knew eviction was tonight? I didn't.
So I'm glad OL' YELLER left tonight. She's a nice girl an' all in a wow-need-some-botox-in-the lips-and-good-haircut-kind of way. Sheila? Still has some game left (albeit weak. We're lookng at a Ryan/Adam finale, I believe, folks). LAME.
Meh. Don't care who wins now.
Say bye bye to Brooke. While she was singing, I felt like there was no Santa Claus. Puppies died while she was singing. Kittens screamed in pain. Somewhere, fairies DIDN'T get their wings.(CHARMED I'm sure you're saying "GIRRRRRRRL. TOL' YOU SO!)
15 SECONDS of silence from Paula? Um, yeah....
But can I say that how divalicious Syesha Mercado sounded? Seriously. I hate her, but I'd watch that bitch in "Dream Girls" (not that I've even seen the movie. Or can recognize one song).
And Carly? HOLY SHIT. "Jesus Christ Superstar" so kicks "All I Ask of You"'s ass. And I love the latter. (Plus, this is one of the first dates Bill took me too here in Louisville when we first started dating! And he hates musical theater! Even though he knows I love it!)
David Cook. David Cook. David Cook.
Singing "Music of the Night."
He stared into my soul (Bill, go away. Watching Idol). He sang directly to me (dammit, dog, do you have to go outside now?).
I sure wouldn't want my kid watching it ... but hell, I'll watch a test pattern*** obviously.
* Because I? Was missing out.
** Not a problem now. Or is it...
*** Paradise Hotel 2 is NOT the original.
I have a doctor's appointment at 1:15 –– just a physical –– and I'm supposed to fast until then so they can do blood work. Apparently, that sounded fine when I made the appointment six months ago, but now that I have six HOURS of an empty stomach ahead of me (not to mention that I'm dieting, which means there's not a whole lot in there anyway) I am NOT. HAPPY.
A hungry Mandy is a hateful Mandy. So my co-workers have that to look forward to this morning.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Which seems to fit the mood around here, as Bill and I got about three hours of sleep last night. Boo's sick and currently camped on the couch flanked by warm Sprite and a trashcan. It's awful when you can't make it better for the little ones and have to wait intil 8:30 to call the doctor... She's periodically crying and saying "Mommy, I don't like this day..."
On the dove front, the male bird was kinda squatting on the baby, which didn't seem to be moving this morning... not sure if it survived yesterday's fall and/or being ignored for hours...
Sunday, April 20, 2008
Well, the baby bird fell into the basket of old blankets I'd put beneath it... I used an old sock and picked it up and put it back in the nest next to the funky egg. The mama just sat right there the whole time and didn't do anything to me. If they push Baby out again there must be something wrong with it and Ill let nature take its course.
UPDATE: I walked out a while ago, and the mama was sitting on the baby again and I was thrilled. But when I took the dog out, the baby was outside the mama, and the poor thing looked like it was trying to burrow under the mama's wing. Really sad.
This morning, I went out to check on them, and the male clearly wasn't sitting on the egg, and the fugly little baby was squirming in front of him and it is chilly outside. I wanted to beat him:
A few minutes ago, I went outside and caught shift change AGAIN, and LOOK WHERE THE BABY IS:
Holy shit! I have no idea what to do. I put a basket underneath it in case it falls. I wonder if there's something wrong with it and they're trying to push it out of the "nest"...
UPDATE: The mama's sitting near the baby. I got a long stick and tried to "push" the baby's leg back onto the shelf and mama pecked at the stick, so I'm assuming they're still caring for it.
Dumb birds are worrying me sick.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
The last movie I saw in the theater was "Enchanted." (Which, BTW, was fabulous. I've been breaking out in to song in the park for the past 6 months, but nobody seems to want to sing the chorus with me. Go figure.)
We're also going to go buy a new vacuum today. (The last big purchase we made was the Toro last summer -- a huge, overpowered man tool known as a lawn mower. Bill had to go get gas for it, so he parked it on our front walkway so all the neighbors would see it and know we had a new lawn mower and be totally jealous. I swear, I expected the menfolk on our cul-de-sac to stand around it, scratching their balls and spitting while proclaiming what a beautiful tool it was.) OF course, we're going to Sears to buy the new vacuum, and Bill will deny me my shopping rights**. Dammit. What's the point of going to the mall if I can't peruse the merchandise? Stupid men and their stupid man tools.
UPDATE: We've talked ourselves out of going to the movie because we will not get to dinner until 8 p.m., and a hungry Mandy is a hateful Mandy. So instead, we're going to hang out at the house and then go eat an early dinner and maybe rent JUNO at the Red Box.
* Paul Rudd is spankalicious.
** I'll have to turn the Whine-O-Meter up if I want to go to Old Navy and the Gap.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Also, I thought I'd left my favorite pink Yves St. Laurent sunglasses at the immediate care center, but I found them on the floorboard of my car.
Finally, I went searching for a hairband to pull my hair up and found one while looking for my sunglasses.
I should just go to bed now while the day is still ripe.
And here's a picture from this morning:
She had another egg under there somewhere. Hopefully, that one hatches soon.
* Effing ugly ass thing.
So, thanks to a trip to the immediate care center last night, I was completely high on decongestants (the doctor thinks my ear is just clogged. Here –– have a $20 copay, Dr. Knowsalot) and I got approximately 3.75 hours of sleep. (I was asleep, however, after Bill came in to the bedroom after taking the dog outside at 3:15 a.m. and said she'd acccidentally brought a "mess" in with her and we had to change the sheets.)
Really, shouldn't a decongestant labeled as "nighttime" help you fall asleep instead of making you feel like you're completely tweaked on meth?
Anyway, imagine my surprise at hearing there was a fucking 5.2 magnitude earthquake at 5:37 a.m.? I actually SLEPT THROUGH IT. Ridiculous.
And even though I slept thorough it, I'm sure it was still more exciting than the EARTHQUAKE: The Big One ride at Universal Studios.
My co-workers who live in Southern Indiana felt it -- it actually woke them out of their beds. Lucky.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
That's a cake!
Can you believe it!
I can't even make toast!
I may be a little biased, but I'm pretty sure her cake takes the cake. So everyone go out and vote it #1. You don't have to register -- simply hit the fifth star! Good luck, Mo!
I have a physical next Tuesday; tried to reschedule, but the next appointment wasn't available until October. Holy shit!
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
Welcome to DINNER IN THE SKY. For a price of 7.900,00 (I don't even know how much that is -- and gratuities are not included), this company will hoist your ass up in the air for a private dinner, complete with a chef, waiter and entertainer. It's for rent for up to 8 hours. My question is -- what if you have to pee?
Apparently, Forbes has listed the company in its ranking of the 10 most unusual restaurants in the world. Ya think?
Monday, April 14, 2008
ONE WORD ANSWERS, ONLY, if you're planning on stealing this one, too:You're Feeling: tired
To Your Left: door
On Your Mind: dieting
You Sometimes Find it Hard To: stop
The Weather: chilly
Something You Have a Collection of: DVDs
A Smell that Cheers You Up: dunno.
A Smell that Can Ruin Your Mood: smoke
How Long Since You Last Shaved: days
The Current State of Your Hair: flat
The Largest Item On Your Desk/
Workspace Right Now (besides computer): lamp
Your Skill with Chopsticks: dangerous
Which Section You Head to First In the Bookstore: new
and After That?: romance
Something You're Craving: Cabernet
Your General Thoughts On the Presidential Race: hopeful
How Many Times You've Been Hospitalized this Year: 0
A Favorite Place to Go for Quiet Time: bedroom
You've Always Secretly Thought You'd Be a Good: actress
Something that Freaks You Out a Little: buttons
Something You've Eaten Too Much of Lately: junk
You Have Never: bungeed
You Never Want To: sky-dive
I can tell you mine completely sucked. I had run for senior class president and lost to the bratty incumbent and she, therefore, was head of the prom committee. So we ended up having ours at a crappy Holiday Inn. It rained (and by "rained" I mean POURED and completely ruined my Payless Shoe Source Dyables shoes -- shut up, options were limited), and apparently the Holiday Inn had a leak in their roof and it dripped down on the dance floor. And the staff remedied it by sticking a chair with a bucket on top of it to catch the drips on the dance floor. Classy.
Also, in 1994, it was all about sequins and slinky pageant-style dresses. I had neither a sequins or slinky nor a pageant-style body. Also, full figured girls got the shaft in 1994 and had a choice of either "Mother of the Bride" style dresses (SO HOT to an 18-year-old) or one of three plus-sized dresses at Bacon's, which I knew -- just knew -- somebody else would end up with (and I was right -- a cheerleader named Danielle bought the one I was close to buying, and she had a smokin' hot body. Somebody was lookin' out for me there...)
So, I'm sure you're wondering what I did. I went vintage. I wore my aunt's circa-1980s scrumptious velvet and taffeta concoction. It was burgundy and looked purple and black in certain light. I had to have it altered a bit (she was taller and thinner than I) but I STILL love that dress and would wear it again in a heartbeat. Still, if you're reading this and are in high school, you are so fucking lucky. Today's dresses are awesome.
Our theme song was some R&B crap called "One Last Cry" and I'd never even heard of it. Oh, and my prom date was a junior drama club friend who had the BIGGEST GLASSES ON THE PLANET. Seriously, if I could find the picture, I would post it -- they totally dwarfed his already-small head (easy there, don't jump to conclusions). Imagine the little turtle, Toby, in Disney's Robin Hood. Got that mental image in your head? Yep. My date looked the same.
As for an after party, I got talked into going on a cruise on the Star of Louisville. And they had a band, sure, for the CORPORATE PARTY also on the cruise. My group pretty much sat there stone cold sober (*sigh*) with Michael Scott and the entire Dunder Mifflin Scranton branch got schnockered and had fun.
Then my date drove me home, and ... well... that was it. Good times.
In honor of Boo's fascination with all things Chinese, here are a few photos in her honor, courtesy of googling the word "Chinese":
One has to look good while warding off pollution.
Friday, April 11, 2008
According to TV.com, Regis Philbin was the first celebrity to play himself on the series. So, wtg Regis, for further whoring out your resume.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
SOMEBODY SOMEWHERE HAS GOT TO BE MISSING THIS ZEBRA.
Apparently, males and females look alike and BOTH incubate the eggs (why can't HUMAN MEN STEP UP, TOO?). Bill wanted to knock it out (cold and heartless, honey) but Bella starting sobbing and Bill said it could stay. (It's not like we're ever on that side of the porch, and you can clearly see I'm using the shelf well.)
Update coming when the eggs hatch.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
I'd contemplate taking a bottle of pills and washing down with a fifth of vodka, but I'd miss "Big Brother." Hopefully, the rest of the week will be better than the first two days of pure, unadulterated FAIL. I've got stress coming every which way outta my ass.
SIGN HERE TO STOP THE CLUBBING OF BABY SEALS IN CANADA.
Jeezus, Canada. You guys are nice people and have some good maple syrup and ice wine and ginger ale, so let's stop killing baby seals for their fur, eh?
Went to the orthodontist today, and he's got me wearing a rubber band from my top brackets to the bottom on one side. I actually thought it was for orthodontic purposes until I realized how limited my speech is. I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy between my co-workers, my husband and my mother to keep me from running my mouth so much.
And, it hurts. Bonus for them.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Meanwhile, we're still trying to get her hardshipped into the super awesome local elementary school where she's already enrolled in preschool (a strategic move to try to get her in in this fall). It's a mile away, but it's not in our stupid cluster (thanks to being one of only a handful of municipalities that still follows desegregation. Explain to me how this school is ONE MILE from our house, but the wealthy families who live 15 miles away can send their kids here. Yeah. THAT's fair.)
We're still not sure how the Supreme Court decision handed down last June is going to affect us, but Bill and I are all for the idea of neighborhood schools since she'd be able to go to Super Awesome School automatically instead of the ninja way I'm trying to slip her in now.
Nobody told me how difficult being a parent would be. And I only have ONE KID.
So, um, yeah.
I don't travel again until June -- and that's Minneapolis, not really a hot bed of either food or drink -- so I have absolutely no excuse, eh?
Bring it, I say. Bring it.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Seriously. One is married and the other has a LT boyfriend. Love these girls.
My show boyfriend was back this year (HE IS HOT HOT HOT HOT) but he was only there one day. I've never talked to him but he is lovely. Dark hair, beard stubble...
I had the greasiest mook use the WORST PICKUP LINE ever on me... I was sitting at the company booth minding my own fucking business, and this bald, old fat guy walks up, takes my hand, covered it with his other sweaty, meaty paw and says, "I thought you were going to marry me and have my children?" My buddy Jeremy was in the midst of taking a drink of water and literally snorted it out and said, "She's got a wedding dress back in her room. She brought it just in case you showed up." And then he WALKED AWAY. Ugh.
Me with Josh (9one)'s wife, Jennie, and the ever patient
Kam from Canadian Pizza magazine. I'd had about 34
Bloody Marys and martinis by this pic.
Me 'n Jennie. (I hate my fucking braces.)
Josh, Jennie, Bill, Jeremy and a couple more were sitting in the Tempo lounge at the Hilton. The music swelled ... and then BAM! Three bartenders -- sorry, BEVERTAINERS -- began dancing. With choreography. We watched in awe -- and incredulation --for about 1 minute, and then WHAM! The music stopped and they all went back to work.
Did that really just happen? Was that a cumulative "Eli Stone" moment? Seriously? I'm still trying to wrap my brain around it, but Josh has pix, so it must've happened...
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
On the plus side, we're on the concierge floor, which means free cheese, cookies, chips and WINE. And champagne! And cookies! And, did I mention wine?!?