Monday, December 14, 2009

Still fangirl-ing.


Can I be a tween fangirl for a minute?

Absolutely LOOOOVED the SyFy channel's "Alice" two partner. Wentworth Miller might have a chance for survival since I am now officially stalking Andrew Lee Potts. (Sorry, Wentworth. It was bound to happen. Get another series and we'll talk, kthxbai.)

Really, Facebook?

Is this necessary? Facebook Ads, you suck.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Confucius say:

If you not find the book you seek,
You are probably at the…

(Thanks, Bridge!)

Magical Powers Do Not Make You a FREAK.

We're watching a completely horrible movie on the Disney Channel called "The Thirteenth Year." It's about a merman/boy (really, I guess since he's turned 13, he's hit puberty. I wonder, does he whack it a picture of a girl, or an angelfish?) who grows gills and fins and has to hid it from the public.

Bill & BooBerry are in a deep discussion about the fact that if Boo ever gets super powers, she's is to tell us RIGHT AWAY so we can A) become rich & famous or B) rule the world.

Meanwhile, Boo looks over at me and whispers, "Isn't that a dumb idea?"

Then they both look at me expectantly. WTF kind of family argument is THAT? Whose side am I supposed to be on? Seriously. My family needs to get some priorities.

ETA: Now Bill just flew downstairs and said, "I'd be showin' up at SPEEDO yellin, 'I am HERE, BAY-BEE! Forget Michael Phelps! I GOT FINSSSSSSSSSS! The only suit a real swimmer needs!" (He really needs to get a grip and realize these movies are made for 10-year-old kids. They don't have to make sense, honey.)

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thanks, Nyquil.

So, I'm sick with a cold, and in my Nyquil-induced sleep last night I dreamed that I was getting married to Lt. Dangle from Reno 911. And while I was in my wedding dress, I looked down and all of the stones had fallen out of my engagement ring. Because they were glass.

Do what you will with that little nugget of info. I won't be taking Nyquil tonight. That is one pretty f*cked up dream.

Friday, October 16, 2009

I found my Halloween costume.

Who wants to be a sexy nurse or an overplayed vampire when you can be:

Frank will fuck your shit up, yo.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Niagara Falls!

Yes, I know Pam and Jim got married on the Maid of the Mist, which totally steals the thunder from this post, but BooBerry, Bill and I spent four fantastic days at the Marriott Niagara Falls Hotel & Spa. Boo's room overlooked the falls, and we ate some great food.

Oh, and Bill and I celebrated our anniversary, October 6, there too. Happy Anniversary, hon. Guess I haven't scared you off yet!

Congratulations are in order!

Heartfelt congrats to Charmed and Dunnski Love on their wedding tonight! Let's party!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

This ain't right.

SON: "Well, I upgraded Mom's headstone because we saved a pretty penny buying her casket at COSTCO."

DAUGHTER: "Oh, you got expedited shipping, right? Because she's dead and starting to stink up the joint."

SON: "Yeah, it'll be here by 5 p.m. tomorrow. I also ordered the flowers from COSTCO, too. Oh, and I picked up a lobster pillow, that toner cartridge Dad needed and some diapers for the baby while I was ordering."

DAUGHTER: "Sweet!"

Got a new car!

This ride is tight, yo*. Me 'n my homegirl Barbie take this shit to the Japanime convention and get ALL the boyz, yo.

* God, I'm such a cracker.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Pearl the Cat Enjoys Yoga - The Pearl and I Episode II

Pearl the Cat Enjoys Yoga - The Pearl and I Episode II

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Wedding Weekend!

I'm headed to Dale Hollow Lake this weekend as my good friend Shelly gets married to the love of her life. I'm reading in the wedding, but I've decided that in the middle of the ceremony, I'm going to walk to the alter and say:

"Yo Shelly, I’m really happy for you, Imma let you finish, but I had one of the best weddings of all time. One of the best weddings of all time!"

I'm gonna do it.*

* OK, in my head. I'm not THAT bad.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Pearl and I - Episode I

My buddy Josh's new Web show has dropped! If you have 9 minutes and 10 seconds to laugh, check it out.

The Pearl and I - Episode I

Shared via AddThis

Friday, September 4, 2009

At this point ...

I should mention I'm on day 2 of Weight Watchers. Again. So feel free to put any of the following in the comments:

• You're awesome. Jessica Biel is going to look like a fatty compared to you.
• Go girl! (said in your best Richard Simmons voice)
• You're hot already. Now go have an ice cream.
• Summer 2002 was a great year! Remember that white Ralph Lauren miniskirt*? Yeah, I don't know what you were thinking, either, but you looked fabulous! (Last word said like this.)
• I wish ephedra was still on the market, too! Who cares if a bunch of baseball players died? Who plays basement in 100-degree heat, anyway!**

* I was hawt for about 12 minutes in 2002.
** Kidding. Sort of.

Found this when looking for a photo for the below post.

Yeahhhh. I got nothin'.

I got a new blogging gig!

(Not me. I wouldn't be caught
dead in a print turtleneck.)

I won't be neglecting Mandyland (still your usual dose of snark with half the fat!), but I got a paid blogging gig at Kudzu! Poignant stuff will be there, but you can still find fun stuff here, too!

I stared down death. Death won.

So Tuesday, I was heading down Taylorsville Road headed into work. I was minding my own business, talking to my Mom on my iPhone when suddenly an ambulance to my right changed lanes in front of me.
With an old guy propped up on the back. And an EMT administering drugs to an IV.
The old man had glasses on. They magnified his bug eyes. He stared at me THE WHOLE TIME I waited at a stop light. (Damn stop light was, like four hours long).
When the light turned green, I attempted to move into the right-hand lane, you know, so I didn't have to stare DEATH IN THE FRICKIN' FACE for another 10 minutes. I put my turn signal on, and no one would left me over. A**holes.

Thou shalt not change lanes.

I finally had to let my mother go on the phone. I couldn't concentrate with that Andy Rooney look-a-like watching my every move. Thank God for sunglasses.

I finally had to turn. Sh*t was freaking me out. I was all like, "Here, death. Here's my soul. Now let me change lanes."

Friday, August 28, 2009

Sometimes ...

... a picture needs to explanation. This would be one of those.

So true.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

This kid is made of awesome and rad.

If they made this kid in pocket size, I'd buy 15 and line them up and let them GET DOWN GET DOWN.

(Also, don't go to that host site. It is NAS-TY.)

Facebook big ol' DUH.

Well, yeah.

Thursday funny.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Thanks, Intern.

I just want to watch this lil guy ALL THE TIME.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

C'mon, who HASN'T done this?

Well, I haven't. And you haven't. And probably a good 85% of the country hasn't. But you know, Jason, we've all sorta been there with you. Sorta.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009



Seriously, news channels? This is news? I think the phrase "get a grip" is pertinent here.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Ready for My Close-up!

If you don't follow me on Twitter, you probably don't know that BooBerry recently won a contest that will take us to Charlotte, NC this weekend. The contest? An appearance on PBS's RAGGS kids' TV show!!

All we had to do was film a two-minute clip of her being well ... her -- a Q&A interview. I asked her about her pets and her birthday party. Took three takes, and I uploaded it to the Raggs Rockin' Kids Search server. It couldn't have been easier.

Around July 10th, I told Bill that I guess Bella hadn't made the cut, but on the 16th, I got an exciting email:

I was completely excited! Bill hadn't even seen her audition video –– and I couldn't even get him on the telephone to tell him.* (I called just about everybody else I knew though, up to and including our banker. What can I say. I'm not a stage mom**, so I was excited. BooBerry's e-mail was number 681, so I'm wondering if they had at least that many applicants. According to the contest rules, the production team narrowed the applicants down to 200, then ultimately 100 kidlets, and Boo was one of them.

We fly out this Friday (I added an extra day on and rented a car -- might as well make a weekend girls' trip out of it. Fellow Raggs mom Ophiesay has chronicled her daughter's Raggs trip from San Francisco HERE, and she shows some great production pictures. BooBerry will be interviewed by "Dumpster" the cat –– a large puppet. She'll be doing this***:

I have to choose three outfits for Boo to wear, and I've selected:



And also this dress:

Still have to come up with a third outfit –– the production team said we didn't have to "dress up" but Boo loves clothes and wore a black fedora hat and a dress with a tie yesterday. Classic!

While we're in Charlotte, we're going to hit up the Discovery Place and, of course, no trip would ever be complete without checking out a pizza place or two.

We're excited, and hope our journey is as great as Ophiesay and her daughter's!

* Lame.
** Lie.
*** Minus the gushy commentary on kindergarten romance.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Big Wet Juicy Fartages.

Tiger Woods rips one on national television. I do this all the time and never get on television. But then again, I'm not a golfer. Or famous.

Friday, July 24, 2009

The Trouble with Vamps ...

I'm in the middle of "Eclipse," and ... I JUST DON'T GET IT. I mean, the storyline is aiight, but it ain't no Harry Potter. Hell, I read The Vampire Diaries in the early 1990s and re-read them last year. And I STILL can't finish the Twilight series. There is obviously a problem. I have devoured Charlaine Harris' Southern Vampire series LONG before HBO jacked it up into an addictive-if-not-quite-accurate rendering of the book.

Oh, and of course The CW has jumped on the fangbanger rage and is turning The Vampire Diaries into a watered-down, lame-ass SHOW*. What. The... Seriously.

* I'll still watch it. Don't judge.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Thursday, July 9, 2009

You Can't Do That in MY Neighborhood!

We had a knock on the door from a neighbor this afternoon -- mind you, I've been in bed for 48 hours straight -- but I was up and drinking some soup. Apparently, the neighbors three doors on the other side of our creek have been dumping TRASH in the creek. Bill walked down there, confronted them, and they denied it. (Acutally, it was screaming "I ain't dun nuthin'! I ain't done that!")

Another neighbor went into the creek and pulled out their damn WASTE MANAGEMENT bill with their ADDRESS ON IT. HELLO, incriminating evidence! WTH? I guess trash fairies magically came and dumped it down there?

Our next-door-neighbors called tonight and said they saw one of the residents wheel down their trash can... and when she was driving back home saw the same lady wheeling her trashcan back up. They're not-so-great additions to the neighborhood, obviously (they look like they should be on an episode of COPS).

We live in a children-of-the-corn neighborhood. You can't do that here, bud. Next call, POLICE!!!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Sick as a dog.

So, a rampant flu bug has blown through my family, hitting my dad, BooBerry, Bill, my brother, my sister-in-law and ... me. My brother and I are the last to recover. It was pretty nasty, and I have decided that Gatorade is the nastiest stuff on the planet. I've been upright three times today and in the bathroom more often than not. I am also QUITTING MY DOCTOR all Brokeback Mountain style. I'm on my deathbed for two days and and I finally call today only to learn she's out today and I should go to an immediate health care center.


I can't leave the bedroom, let alone get in a car and drive 10 miles.

Stupid bitches.

Monday, July 6, 2009

New year, new look.

Pink is soooooo 2007. Many thanks to Josh of HOT HOT JAPAN HOT for tricking Mandyland out '09 style.

Sunday, July 5, 2009


Sorry, Wentworth. There's a new hottie in town. His name is Santiago Cabrera. Hot damn. I drink his bathwater. Tepid.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Millions of cougars' hearts are breaking.

Kevin Jonas apparently proposed to his rich lucky bitch girlfriend, Danielle Deleasa. I think a couple of the Hansons are still single.

Meat WIN!

Monday, June 29, 2009

Great addition to the family.

Hey, remember THIS POST? Well, we went with the middle flippin' kitten. Here's the result:

Awesome. Thanks for that, y'all. I should show you the claw marks in the drywall where Callie just RUNS UP THE WALL. FOR NO REASON. I read "Marley & Me." Dog ain't got nuthin' on my cat. My cat would tear that dog to shreds. Should I mention the THREE PAIRS of headphone cords she's chewed through? Or the knitting she's chewed through? Or the heat cycles she goes through EVEN THOUGH SHE'S BEEN SPAYED? (see partial spay -- apparently she was in heat when we had her fixed and ... well... the result is BAD, without another explorative surgery.)

I'm going to build a time machine and go back to September of 2007 and have a major f*cking DO OVER. (Not really. I love my cat. But I am totally the only one. Even my Mom hates my cat.)

Uh, infidelity, anyone??

Monday, June 22, 2009

Your Monday Morning Wake-Up.

Doesn't get any cuter than THIS. If this is the last video I will have seen before I die, well, then it'll have been worth it.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Cinematic Genius. (A serious post.)

Shit. I have a crush on a mythical creature. No seriously, James McAvoy is a fantastic actor.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Suck it, builders: A basement update.

We're finishing our basement because I'm tired of having sword fights and four kids (only 1 is mine. I'm not claiming the others) eatin popsicles in my living room. So, the first estimate we got for our 900 square-foot area (we want one big room, a small storage area and a full bathroom) was -- get this -- $35K. Ooookay, you must be smokin' crack. Lots of it. Mixed with bad chemicals.

On to the next estimate. $31,680. Without carpet. You, too, Mr. Random Builder, are smoking teh ganja.

Third estimate? Yeahhh, $38,980 WITHOUT the wet bar or carpet.

Okay, maybe we're the ones lighting up because we had no idea it would cost that much. Seriously. Are they finishing that shit in 24 karat gold?

Uh, no.

My sister-in-law's stepdad used to be a contractor. He came in at $22,500. Cool. So now we're ready to go. We had a huge yard sale last weekend to get rid of some shit we needed to (made $370 in all!) and we're going to rent a storage unit tonight and start carting stuff out of the basement. I'll keep y'all updated with photos as we go!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Don't f*ck with me...

I feel like this today, just so you know:

According to

18 of the world's most disturbing sex toys.

I spent most of last night contemplating WTF this is for:

Yeah. I got nothin'.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Got dressed this morning.

Couldn't find my Skidz, so I just wore black capris. I'm bummed.