Monday, September 29, 2008


Busy Weekend = Tired Monday Morning.

We had one of those super-busy weekends, the kind with little downtime. Friday night we went to dinner with two of my oldest friends, which always turns into a rehash of life in the sorority house*:

Saturday, we had not one but TWO birthday parties. The best part of that was that they were both in the neighborhood -- which meant I could dump them and run. One of the parties had a rented bouncy castle:
I shit you not, manufacturers will slap Disney princesses on everything from notebook paper to toilet paper if they think girls will coerce their parents into buying it. The weather was gorgeous and my child spent all day outside instead of planted in front of the television mindlessly watching "Spongebob Squarepants" for hours on end.

Yesterday could be classified as the "best day ever." My sister-in-law and I went to see the limited engagement running of "RENT Filmed LIVE on Broadway."

Essentially, a camera crew filmed the exact Broadway version. The movie even had a 10-minute intermission. (The cast members playing Roger and Mimi were A-MAZ-ING.)

Eryn and I were the only ones in the theater until about 10 minutes before showtime, when a memaw in a mumu hobbled around the corner. She drew in a gasp and said, "how can it not be packed?" She then hobbled up the stairs, chose a seat and declared the show too long and she's need a potty break. She asked Eryn and I to watch her popcorn (because apparently there are popcorn thieves? WTF?).

RIGHT before the big death scene (I mean, before it even happens), there's a quiet pause. We hear a HUGE sob. Sure enough, it's memaw. Apparently she knew what was coming. Memaw needs to get a grip.

We then had my most favoritest meal ever, Taco Soup, for dinner to celebrate Eryn's birthday.

I'm finally winding down. I think I need a do-over on my weekend since that whole "downtime" thing is utter crap.

* I only WISH our house looked like that. THAT is the beauty which is UCF's house. NICE ONE, ladies!!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Local celeb gets LOLed...

Our hometown* ho Nicole Scherzinger. I saw her back in, like, 2002 at the WDJX birthday bash. (She was with Eden's Crush back then. Don't tell anybody I admitted that, kthxbai)

DJX Birthday Bash -- anyone over 19 there is a douche.

* Not really. We just claim her.

Kirk Cameron ...

... will only kiss his wife on-screen. Wait, Kirk Cameron still has a career?

Um ...

I bought this pair of Michael Kors sunglasses -- the exact same freaking pair -- at the T.J. Maxx on Taylorsville Road. Cost: $19.99

See below:

In case you can't see the *teeny tiny* price there, these exact sunglasses sell on the Michael Kors Web site for ----------------- $150.

That makes about as much sense as this picture:

Things I Pondered On My Commute This Morning ...

In no particular order:

1. Gray hoodie sweatshirts make people look homeless. Of course, the guy I saw it on was homeless, but I wondered if mine makes me look like that, so it will be going to Goodwill on my next run. Does the fact that it's a GAP hoodie make it less homeless-y?

2. My Starbucks order makes me sound like an asshole. I got a triple venti nonfat latte, extra hot with five Splendas. Then I tried to use my free coupon for their new oatmeal, and canceled the order and told the guy I really wasn't hungry. Which made me look like a total douchebagette. And blonde.

3. My Starbucks boyfriend/ barista (o?), Will, cut his hair and grew a beard. If he put a gray hoodie on, he would look totally homeless.

4. "90210" is about to get good. Also, they performed two songs from "Spring Awakening" last night. And it didn't suck too bad. They should totally keep Brenda around. And Shannen Doherty has some big hips.

5. Photoshoot day at work. Not much sounds good except for linguine with anchovies. That's right -- this bitch loves the little fishies.

6. Our neighbor called to borrow a bow for her daughter's picture day. Apparently, Gracie lost all her bows –– so I'm going to let her borrow one of OUR CUSTOM-MADE bows, just so she can lose it? Um, no. Good thing we didn't have a solid one that would match her uniform.

7. Facebook is cool. My mom now has a Facebook page, and she's mooching all my friends from high school from my profile. My mom is cool, too.

8. We need kitty litter, kitty food and bottled water. Need to remember to stop at the grocery on the way home.

9. School buses give me road rage. Especially when they stop EVERY FUCKING BLOCK. Can't those kids WALK to one central stop so it doesn't take me 18 minutes to go down Breckenridge Street? Also, Breckenridge Street is pretty scary. There are a lot of boarded up buildings.

Yeah, my commute is about 20 minutes too long...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I forget...

... what it's like to have a baby 24/7. Holy cow. My arms are tired from lugging Conor around. I'm out of practice!

Friday, September 19, 2008


... do NOT Google images of "starving," "hungry" or "frickin' starving" because you will REALLY find people who are starving like in Africa and shit, and that? Is not cool.

Nothing - It’s Whats For Dinner Demotivational Poster

I need to go swallow a shame pill now ...

The weekend: A short pictorial.

After the week this poor area has had, we're all probably ready for the weekend.

Mine entails dinner with Charmed and Dunnski at Sake Blue tonight:

and three hours of baby-lovin' tomorrow with the cutest babeh in the world:

My nephew, Conor. (Yes, his hair completely stands on end like a cartoon character's.)

I also get my kid back:

from my mother-in-law's, where she's been camped out since Wednesday night because all the schools are out (they betta <insert head roll and snap> be back in on Monday or I'm going to lose it ).

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Ike kicked us in the ass.

Topiary got knocked over.
It usually does. We just left it down.

Light either got knocked over or blown over.

Down spout bit it.

I brought the cushions in off the front porch after I found them against the railing. They were probably safer in the 75 mph winds than from Miss Shedsalot.

Oh hai, gale force winds! Let's all go outside!!

Our ONE limb that came down. And it was already dead.

Bunnies fall down, go boom.
Also, one seems to have lost its ass.

When the winds subsided, Bill pulled out a
kite his mom brought back from China. It was lovely!

I can haz escape route?

Tropical Depression Survival 101 Must-haves:
1973 battery-powered radio; toenail polish, Coke Zero; paperback smut & cell phone.

Boo and Baby K color in the grass.
(K's my BFF's 20-month-old daughter.)

When the going gets tough (and dark) the tough give their
kids sticks and puffed sugar and put them in front of open flames.

Texas, I'm so sorry (Daniele and Beth, I'm thinking of you!). Also, Florida. And Louisiana and all the other states who know how to handle this shit. We lost power for 36 hours in my neighborhood, and it was fun for a while, but we were all packed to go to my mom's when the power came back on about midnight last night. My thoughts are with those cleaning up right now.



I'll post pictures of the major house damage* tonight. 36 hours without power. Really. How did they do it in the olden days?

* The downspout fell off.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Hey! You know what sucks?!?!

75 mph winds!! And losing power!! Along with 60% of the rest of the city!! And using candles, like we're all in the dark ages and shit!! And sitting in Bill's office using a 1983 IBM Thinkpad!! And starving to death because he said we're just "stopping in" and now he's working!!

I swear to God if we don't get power back soon, I'm going to go all Kanye West on his ass.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Let's play a little game. It's called ...

"WTF Goes With These Shoes?"

(Patent pending on the game title, BTW)

Monday, September 8, 2008

You gotta watch this.

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Barbie and The Diamond Castle...

... has some serious lesbian* overtones. Leana finds two stones in the river and fashions them into matching necklaces to share with BFF Alexa. They live together and share a bedroom. They harmonize, and every song is about being connected and thinking about the other girl (seriously, WTF). They find a magic mirror with a chick trapped in it (who sings like a soul sister at Sunday church) and she comes between them and they break up. Even their two puppies, Sparkles (WTF #38) and Lily, are girls who frollic together**.

I am literally gagging on the syruping sweetness while simultanously waiting for the Skinimax make-out scene.

* Not that there's anything wrong with that. Seriously. I just cried at Ellen's video clips of her wedding to Portia. Gorgeous.
** For the record, I've never seen Doodles frolick with ANY dog, regardless of gender.

When the going gets tough...

...the tough go shopping. From the couch. With a laptop and a credit card.

Sorry, Bill*.

* Not really.

I know I've been ...

... a complete slug and a bit of a druggie all last week. But I've been painkiller-free for several days, which makes me at least 35 steps above Amy Winehouse.

I did manage to go to lunch and to the mall on Saturday, even though I only made it to two stores before I got all hot and sweaty and tired and had to leave, but I got my two errands run and I got to see something other than the inside of this house, which was nice.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Made it through!

Just laid up in the bed watching The Price Is Right and hurting in mah belleh. Only slightly high on pain pills. Bummer.

Monday, September 1, 2008

Just like Lindsay!

So, I've got nuthin' left in me. Nothing. I'm all detoxed. So essentially, I'm like Lindsay Lohan. Which means if I turn gay after the surgery, I can blame it on the detox.

Also, white wine and vodka should totally be on my approved list of clear liquids.

It's no "Cheaters"...

... but G4 has a Labor Day "COPS" marathon on.


funny pictures
moar funny pictures

My child...

Is adorable. I love this outfit and wish it came in my size, too.

OK, here it comes!

So I've started mah liquid diet in preparation for tomorrow's surgeries. I have two delicious bottles of magnesium citrate chilling in the fridge. Counting down the hours until I get all this over with, and wtf is up with Maury Povich today. I planned to lay on my duff all day watching daytime television and I flip on "Maury" to see JackfuckingHanna with some cute animals. Shit. I want to find out who my baby daddy is. If I wanted warm fuzzies, I'd turn on the Disney Channel. What a waste of an hour, Maury.