Wednesday, December 31, 2008

WoW quotes to bring in the new year ...

Apparently I got sidetracked watching the shit called Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve (not to mention the sloppy seconds Fox got stuck with...) because I never finished this post.

Bill said something.

Funny.

Then wouldn't let me blog it.

On account of him being a private person.

Methinks he married the wrong girl ...

Well, I've decided to live.

Although we had to cancel our reservations at Napa River Grill, I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've managed to keep everything I've eaten down and I'm actually upright in the great room -- although I have yet to get dressed. My sweats and Uggs slippers will have to take the place of my adorable wide-leg jeans and yellow sweater I'd planned to wear this evening. But at least my innards are going to stay INSIDE my body...

At least I won't end up like THIS tomorrow:

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

God and I had a little disagreement last night.


When I was bowing to the porcelain God begging to die last night, unfortunately He disagreed and I've been in bed ever since. Apparently it's going around, but I'm not sure how I f*cking ended up with it since I literally haven't left the house since Saturday night.


Not looking like I'm going to be ringing in the New Year in true Mandyland fashion... lame.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas Award of Excellence ...

... goes to Ryan the Intern of HHJH fame and for being pegged as homeless and/or fashion-senseless. Seriously. You guys are not getting the full-on Intern degredation here... the story in person is way better.

Also, let it be known that the Intern totally took one for team BooBerry by trying to get her a Smores pony ... and then Bill said "no."



That's ... not a word I understand...

Friday, December 26, 2008

A good day.

Bed.
A new computer.
A screwdriver.
"Fried Green Tomatoes" on the telly.

I could be shopping, but then I thought, "f*ck it. I don't need anything."



Hey, I took a shower today. Aren't you proud of me?

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Early Christmas pictures! Using my new laptop!

Me in the car to my mother-in-law's house!
Bella shot this one. Look at those gorgeous new teeth!


BooBerry in the car.


Getting ready for Santa.



Christmas morning!


New art studio.


Part of Boo's haul.


My haul!!! Look at my new laptop
(the pink and white and red swirly!!)









Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Best Craig's List post EVER.*

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply to: sale-935623801@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-26, 5:55PM MST
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.



* Thanks, bro.

Merry Christmas.



My papaw went to IU. He'd approve.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Quid Pro Quo.

This is how Japan sees us:



This is how we see Japan:

This is so bad...

Even for you, FoxNews headline writers:

There's an editor somewhere at FoxNews HQ that needs my size 8 Croc thrown at his/her head.

I've lost...

... the feeling in my big toe. Apparently the boot or bandage is cutting off the circulation. I woke up at 5 a.m. and literally RIPPED the boot off and threw it on the floor.

I'm so very over this.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

It's Official. I have no LiFE.

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, check which ones you've seen, paste this here.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2:Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 12

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 18

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 24

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 28

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( x) KingPin
( x) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 30

(x ) A Cinderella Story
(x ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
() The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber (the original, yes. the remake, no)
Total so far: 35

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 20

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
(x ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 39

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( x) Ocean's Eleven
( x) Ocean's Twelve
( x) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 43

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x ) Maid in Manhattan
(x ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 47

( ) Best Bet
(x ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x ) Big Trouble in Little China
( x) The Terminator
(x ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 56

( x) X-Men
(x ) X-2
(x ) X-3
( x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
( ) Shrek 2
Total so far: 67

( x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
() The Notebook
( x) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
(x ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 72

( x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 77

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(x ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 79

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x ) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 83

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x ) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 85 ((Shit))

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 85

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix ( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2 () Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
( x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 91

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor


TOTAL: 97

Seriously, Suzanne, you haven't seen "Titanic"?

Some of these are EPIC, people. Get the to Blockbuster today.

Seems right to me...

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Monday, December 15, 2008

The Worst Thing You'll See All Day.


I just became a vegetarian. Seriously. At least use stock art or cute little clip arts of cows instead of the f*cking cow you're going to be eating. Shit. We have steaks thawed out for dinner tonight. I can't eat that shit now. I'm going to buy this cow and send the poor thing to INDIA where it can be revered as a god instead of FREEZER BEEF.

Boo's Take on Dinner.

video

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Callie...

... has completed destroyed every ribbon and bow in the house by eating it. And now she's horking it up all over the house.

Christmas with cats is awesome.


ETA: Oh, look. An appropriate LOLcat.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's that time of year again ...

... no, not Christmas. The time of year when I remind everyone to wash your filthy hands, use tissues and take Zicam so I don't get your funky germs.

video

(Long hair + bangs is sooo 2004.)

Mandyland Tutorial of the Day.



NOW! WITH SUBTITLES!!



Nobody gets my humor around here. Thanks, Bridge, for that little nugget.

Monday, December 8, 2008

My dad wouldn't do this for me...



He wanted to dance to this:



I wish I were kidding. Mom put the kibbosh on that real fast.

(Also, thanks Shelly for the first video.)

Worst DING! Fare Headline EVER.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Room Service Fail.

video

My favorite breakfast (bagels & lox) got f*cked in Reno.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Reno.

Josh and I returned from Reno a few days ago. I won $40 on a 20-cent bet, got a kickin' facial and got asked by the guy in this video if I hurt my foot skiing. I totally said I did. (Hey, apparently Reno is close to Tahoe and folks see lots of foot & leg injuries.)

video