Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Really, Fox News?

Worssssssst headline ever. You call this "journalism?" Neither do I.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

QUIZ: They should call this the ass burger ...

A) because that is what your breath smells like after consuming.
B) because that is where it is going to end up after consuming.
C) both of the above

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Praise the INTERNETS!

... because I love having a three-year-old tell me not to drink or copulate.

Friday, February 19, 2010

My Karen Walker Weekend

This weekend is going to completely suck balls. For some strange reason, I volunteered to be the cookie chair for my kiddo's Girl Scout troop. I am picking up 162 CASES of Girl Scout cookies tomorrow ("No, parents, I am not sure how the entire 38 cases of Samoas went missing. And yes, I have gained a bit of weight in two days. The two are not related.") and sorting them in our garage.

Then, we have to attend a surprise birthday party for our next door neighbor.

Tomorrow night, I have finish sorting through 833 old toys and outfits and iron, hang and tag them for the Little Treasures Consignment Sale.

Sunday morning, I have to pick up the kiddo from my parents and be back at the house before four first-graders are dropped off for the troop's very first cookie booth at the local Walmart grocery. (Bitches better let us set up inside the foyer. It's supposed to rain and I will go all "Gorilla Mom" on their asses if they won't.) After dropping off two of the three scouts all over town, I have to return home, gather up all the consigment sale stuff and take it to the dropoff point across town.

Yes, that will be me eating Xanax and washing it down with vodka all Karen Walker-style.

Karen Walker Pictures, Images and Photos

(P.S. Sorry I haven't been around much. It's been really boring and I haven't had any rage issues to bitch about.)