Today is our annual gift exchange in my department. I love my peeps, and they give GREAT Christmas presents (especially Rick, who is the most thoughtful man on the planet -- last year he got me Season 1 of Ghost Hunters on DVD and I LOVED it). We're going to lunch at Rocky's Italian Grill and then opening presents.(And if anybody gave me an industrial pack of government cheese like the poor sap above, I'd properly thump them in the ass.)
ETA: My co-workers know me. Among my gifts were three bottles of wine and a plate of cookies. What's that say about me?
3 comments:
So, what's your wine? Oh, I'd totally get the same thing. Last year, one of my coworkers, even after a month of working together knew to high tail it to Williams Sonoma for some Scharffen Berger for me.
Boss accidentally spilled-restaurant gift certificates. The coworker is probably going for an Indigo card and some more Scharffen Berger. Squee! Food, baby, food!
Ok...this will cheer you up even more...
WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.
[Keep reading-they get better!!! I'm in a pissy mood tonight because I have a horrible cold, laryngitis and there's dog hair in my popcorn bowl.]
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,Pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, And still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Jim and his wife Patricia listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?" Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?
[names changed to depict the guilty]
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
[this could happen at my house any day now...]
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
Neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, The husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
And were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
At 5:00 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn' t wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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Ok..can you tell I'm not exactly pleased with men these days? I just wanna know how a man could wash the dishes...clean the entire kitchen counter off and not see the damn box of baking soda. I am sick of passive aggressive crap from husband's with convenient blindness syndrome!
So THERE..
Aunt Barb
ah ha ha ha ha!
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