The Bachelor.

Why the hell am I still watching this? Seriously. I'd rather be watching Animal Cops: Houston with some mistreated horses, starved cats and beat-down dogs than subject myself to this shit. But it's like a train wreck. I can't turn away. It's probably because one of my favorite pizzerias in the world, Mangia Pizza, is located in Austin, which is where the Bachelor, Brad is located. 6 degrees of separation. Sorry, Magia...

It's totally clear that Brad has a serious thing for Phoenix Suns dancer Jennie. She got to swim with flippin' dolphins on her date. And she was squeamish (ho-bag. I heart dolphins). Bettina? Took a boat. Which was once in the America's Cup. Out on the pukey ocean.

Lame.

Dolphins totally beat boats.

And poor Deanna gets a dune buggy "dream" date. "Hey, producers! In no way do dust, battery-operated power and bugs in my teeth constitute a date!" Too bad I hate her, or I would kinda feel bad that at the end of the date, her extensions smelled like burnt rubber and dirt. Hawt.



WTF????????? Deanna over Bettina??? Ew. I feel like I need a shower. Nasty. Fakey McFake.

Well, looks like Jennie's a shoe-in. Best of three, I guess.