Back...

... and still sick. Josh and I spend yesterday afternoon in New Orleans moseying around The French Quarter and gnoshing on




beignets and cafe au lait at Cafe Du Monde near Jackson Square (holy powdered sugar, Batman! These things had about three inches of the white goodness on top of them! I wanted to roll in it and lick myself clean).

We walked up to Bourbon Street, which at the tender time of 4 p.m. was D-E-A-D. Saw lots of shops hawking feather boas, beads ($10! WTF?!?), fuzzy hats and margaritas. OK, there's something disconcerting about buying your liquor from a wall of swirly slushy machines. (I'd probably get more alcohol from a pocket-sized bottle of mouthwash than I would from one of those.)

We stopped to have a drink at a little cafe (mostly, I just had to pee), and Josh ordered this green pineapple thing called a Green Gator while I choked down the spiciest Bloody Mary I'd ever had (I think my mouth is still a little numb).

We had dinner at GW Fins, and the highlights of the meal were my discover of vodka tonics and the most fabulous chocolate molten lava cake I've ever tasted (the highlight of the evening was Josh's declaration of, "I gotta go find my Momma so I can slap her!" after taking the first bite).

Then we went back to the hotel, because Josh is lame and wanted to watch some sort of game involving cowboys and green packing materials on some special football channel.

As soon as I can snake the photos from his iPhone, I'll post them. I have to admit, the French Quarter looked NOTHING like it does on the COPS Mardi Gras episodes (shut up. It's my only impression of New Orleans).

As for now, I'm off to take a nap (up at 5 a.m. for our 8 a.m. flight). I'm still sick as a dog and my voice is completely shot.



Oh, and I knocked National Blog Posting Month out of the water. w00t!

Party like it's 1999.

You Belong in 1999

With you anything goes! You're grunge one day, ghetto fabulous the next. It's all good!

What Year Do You Belong In?

Figures, since that's when my life really began!

(Stole this from CHARMED, BTW.)

Bored today?

While surfing for random blogs, I found:

SPANISH TRANSY DUDE.
Yum. Luv the gown, honey...

PIXYLAND. I wish this were a joke. Seriously. Even I'm rendered speechless.

The Blog of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.
This one just makes me giggle. I love me some writer's snark.



I'm in Baton Rouge right now blogging from the business center of the Embassy Suites. They had happy hour last night, and my bronchitis and I got happy with some bloody marys while I snacked on free popcorn and watched Kid Nation. Also took a side trip to the wonderful world of the Wal-mart SuperCenter across the street to get some Benedryl. I fell asleep (read: passed out from the Benedryl) at 9 p.m. Central Time, so that means I was up at 6:45 a.m. this morning. On my way to some free Embassy Suites breakfast right now...

We lost Callie last night.

n sayn go 'way kthxbai.


My bronchitis, ear infections and I are on our way to the lovely cities of Baton Rouge and New Orleans for work. I'll be sure to have a beignet and think of y'all. If I don't die from my ailments first.

On my way to the doctor's office ...

I saw this:



And the first thing that came to mind were Jason and Grant from Ghost Hunters:



So Roto-Rooter has THAT going for it.



(Oh, and I have bronchitis. Yay, me.)

Oh, man.

I've been knocked off my feet by nasty alien virus that has invaded my chest. I'm hoping it's a cold and not bronchitis, but given that I'm supposed to fly to Baton Rouge tomorrow (yippee, BTW), I probably need to call the doctor.

(However, last night's hallicinations induced by the Mucinex DM? Were. Not. Fun.)

I've got a sick bed made on the couch with a pillow, water, hot cocoa and said Mucinex, but I really need to take a shower, shave my legs, go to Target and pack for my trip ... in that order. This sucks. At least I get to watch daytime television all day. I have to find out who my baby daddy is on Maury.

Heh.

Dying.

I'm completely phlegm-y today. I'm not sure if it's drainage (welcome to the Ohio Valley in fall) or if it's the onset of bronchitis. Regardless, it's like if I could get one good hack, I could cough it all up. But, alas, I can't seem to, so I'm drowning in my own bodily fluids. Lovely.

Lazy Sunday.

Suck it, Martha.

I love lazy afternoons, especially in the wintertime. Fall and winter are always dreary and cold here in Kentucky, and there's nothing better than sitting by the Christmas tree with a cup of (homemade -- look at me, all Martha Stewart) hot cocoa and reading a book. (Or surfing the internet on the laptop, in my case.)

Sure, there's about three hundred loads of laundry that need to be done and the dishes are stacked up in the sink... but who wants to do all that?

"Camping."

This is about as close to it as she's ever gonna get in this house.

We made s'mores in the fireplace and are watching "Elf". Again. Bill forgot to open the flue and filled the house with smoke, setting off the smoke alarm and freaking out both cats and people alike. Was. Not. Good.

Ouch.

My left bicep is completely destroyed. I woke up this morning and it is so sore -- I'm assuming that's from hauling that heavy basket throughout Target, and then loading my arms with packages at the mall. So it's a shopping-related injury. Shopping is a bitch.

Of course...

I just bought "Elf" at Target this morning for $5.98, and it's on for three nights straight on USA.

BTW, when I Googled "Elf", this came up:

WTF? I mean, seriously ... wtf is this? A kinkachoo?

Schadenfreude is a bitch.

How much did that suck on national television?

Exhausted.

Woke up at 5:30 a.m. and hit Target at 6:03 a.m. It was jam packed and a mess -- my best move was to go sans cart and dive in head first. I got most everything I wanted, but I somehow cut in line while I was checking out and almost got a beat down by three women, but I wuz raised in Okolona and still have a bit of white trash in me so I held my own*. Went from Target to Michael's, but they were out of the topiaries I wanted.

Then I hit the mall, and hella-scored at Bath and Body Works (hellooo $5 Wallflowers) and Old Navy. Disney store was kind of a bust, but I got two little princess baby dolls for $10 each, so that was pretty sweet, even if I just give them to Toys for Tots (because I? Am all about the nice).

Hit Taco Bell at 10:30 a.m. like Britney on a bender and crashed for 21/2 hours. Downed half a pot of coffee before my folks came over to help us trim the tree and eat some KFC. BooBerry was completely out of control -- running around, screaming "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and pretending to be a vampire by sucking everyone's blood (wtf? She ran through the house yelling "suck me" all night.).

Tree in the great room.

Disney-themed tree in the dining room
(and Callie's new bed -- look closely below the tree!)

We managed to get both trees up, but still have to decorate the outside of the house. I keep finding ornaments I bought last year and it's a complete pain. It also looks like I didn't buy wrapping paper last year, which completely sucks, and now means I'm going to be wrapping presents in Blues Clues paper.



* I lie. My face totally turned red and I got all hot and flushed. But I didn't get out of the line. I'd already lost my place and couldn't go back. I gave them a $10 off coupon I had as a thinly-veiled apology. I was also traumatized for a good hour afterwards.

Mean Girls.

Holy shit, I still love this movie. (hangs head in shame)

Happy Thanksgiving.

(Blatantly stolen from my PDCAGP gals n guys. Still makes me laugh.)

I'll be spending the day downing Bill's dressing balls (don't laugh. Is good) and noodles atop mashed potatoes drenched in Worchestershire sauce.

Yeah, my family has weird traditions. Happy Thanksgiving, even if you're (dressing) balless this holiday. You? Don't know what you're missing.

Black Friday, Anyone?

I didn't used to enjoy the Black Friday rush, but then I began looking at it as a sport. There's something satisfying in getting caught up in the "get-your-hands-off-that-digital picture frame, bitch-it's mine" madness. I've already scoured the ads that have been leaked online, have a notebook full of notes, and am ready to go.

With that said, here are my tips to prepare:

1. Wear comfortable clothing, and have it ready to go on Friday morning, preferably in another room so you don't wake up your significant other (because they have to watch the kids while you bust it at Target).

Take my BF outfit, for instance:

Comfy and cute. Layers -- they're your friend when you're running in and out of stores.

2. Don't weigh yourself down with a heavy purse. Instead, opt for a wristlet:
An outside pocket holds your cellphone, and there's room inside for a pen (to mark off your list). Don't forget lip balm or gloss, ladies. The air is dry and crusty lips are a no-no.

3. Cash! A must for buying an Auntie Anne's pretzel and a Starbucks latte for breakfast.

4. A plain white envelope. Leave it in your car, and put all Black Friday receipts in it to keep them together.

5. A clean vehicle. Make sure your trunk is empty and all toys and trash removed.

Anyone got any other tips? I say, bring it on.

Whole Foods = Rapists.

I went to Whole Foods this afternoon for some fresh herbs and learned what it feels like to be raped in the wallet.

For $56.00, I got two small bags that consisted of:
Fresh rosemary
Fresh thyme
Fresh basil (still had the roots -- wtf? Now that's fresh)
Fresh oregano
16 oz. of seafood bisque
16 oz. of tomato bisque
A sushi platter
Three bottles of water
Java Brewing Co. Coffee
A cup of coffee
And a refrigerated container of tomato bisque for lunch tomorrow.

And that's ... it. I got in the car and thought, "What just happened?" like I'd been given GHB while Whole Foods had its way with me.

(And if I thought the gingerbread latte I had this morning was nasty, it was nothing compared to the coffee I had at WF. They don't have Splenda, just Stevia, which tastes like powdered ass.)

Starbucks.

I'm about as bad as Britney with my Starbucks addiction. But if you put ass in a cup, it would taste like the sugar-free, fat-free Gingerbread Latte I got this morning. It's soooo worth it for the sugared syrup since all the sugar-free syrups are nas-ty.

(By the way, George Carlin says the longer your coffee order is, the bigger the asshole you are. My usual order is a venti triple-shot extra-hot skim latte with four Splendas. So what does that say about me?)

Merry Christmas a little early.

BooBerry and I spent the morning at the mall having her Christmas pictures taken at Sears and visiting Santa. Her pictures turned out pretty bad -- she's in the stage where she's gritting her teeth in this fake, enduring-a-pap-smear kind of smile. Here are three semi-good ones we managed to get:




Oh, and the Santa at the mall has been there 14 years! That's a lot of snot-nosed kids to endure.

Blog Tagged, again.

Suzanne blog tagged me, which is great for NaBloPoMo. I can usually fill in any blanks with words -- it's the curse of being a professional writer; however, no one said what I write has to be good outside the pages of the magazine.

So blog-tagging is a great way to easily fill space and, hey, I can always talk about me -- although finding something I haven't already discussed is hard.

Five Things You May Not Know About Me

1. I have anosmia, honest to God. That's a clinical lack of smell, in case you didn't know. I've only smelled two things in my life -- rubbing alcohol if I put my nose in the bottle, and a rubber spatula that had fallen to the bottom of the dishwasher and burned to the metal spinny thingy in there. I've never had a sense of smell -- basically, the connection between my nose and my brain is disconnected, so farts and apple pie smell alike to me. My sense of taste is OK, although I have trouble discerning spices, the subtle nuances of wines or flavored coffees, etc. Candles and perfume are lost on me, and I rely on Bill a lot.

2. I've never seen "Steel Magnolias." Hey, I know what happens at the end, and who wants to watch Julia Roberts die?

3. Favorite movie? The Goonies and Spaceballs. Yeaaahh, I don't try to figure that on out, either.

4. I spend my summers on an island in Minnesota. My grandparents owned three cabins on Ely Island on Lake Vermilion in Northern Minnesota. It was pretty rustic for about the first 10 years, and then they added a sauna, washing machine (no dryer, though) and electricity. And satellite when it became available. I swear to you it is the most beautiful place on Earth, and I loved every minute of it and cherish every moment. We've seen bears, deer and fox, and the same ducks used to come back year after year for cracked corn. There's nothing quite like the taste of fresh small-mouth bass fried in cornmeal and served with fried potatoes on the front porch of our cabin.

5. We're trying for another baby, and have been for the past 16 months. All the traveling makes it hard, but we're having fun in the process!


So, now I have the pleasure of tagging someone else to tell us 5 things we don't know about them and, of course, it's CHARMED!

What is it with men?

Last night, I took Doodlebug out to go to the bathroom at about 7:15 pm. It was dark already, and cold. As I stood on the front porch, the chill and the silence pressed down on me. Somewhere, a dog barked, and the streetlight cast an eerie glow over our yard. And I heard ... the crunching of leaves nearby.

I froze.

We live on a golf course, and there have been numerous sightings of fox, skunk (I saw one on our back patio last summer mere inches from where I was shutting off the water after hydrating my Swedish Ivy on the front porch), groundhogs, racoons (get the hell out of my bird feeders!) and, yes, even deer.

Our house has a deep creek to the left of it, and it's filled with huge trees and in times of rain runs deep and fast. Otherwise, it's filled with sharp rocks, bullfrogs and hedge apples. That's where I heard the noise, and I felt sure it was an animal.

I called Bill, who got a flashlight and I carried BooBerry out onto the front porch and we turned out all the lights. We listened, carefully, and could hear it, although it seemed to be more behind the house.

Bill, however, thought it was human rather than animal, as he said the sounds were deliberate and slow. He sent Boo and I inside, and proceeded to get a Mag light and walked to the edge of the creek. He began throwing hedge apples into the trees to see if anything scurried off.


It didn't.


So my point is -- WTF? I'm not real sure what he set out to accomplish, but if it was to completely freak me out, it worked. We live in an upscale neighborhood, but I saw searchlights and cop cars in the middle of the night last summer, and that came to the forefront of my memory.

I got about three hours of sleep last night. Men suck.

LAST DAY TO VOTE...

... for my Christmas gift!

CLICK HERE to see the two rings I've chosen (among the zillions of links I've been sending him throughout the year. He got me a hairdryer -- WTF-- and hasn't lived it down since).

So VOTE!

PSA Time Again.

Bill, my parents, BooBerry and I decided to hit up the local Crazy 8 Asian Buffet for some crab rangoon, mock sushi, fried bits of fried things and, of course, the ever-authentic ice cream sundae bar (complete with sprinkles).

As I walking with my plate full o' fried, I came into the path of this old man walking to his seat. And, I swear to you, he had the biggest boil on his neck I have ever seen. The damn thing literally poked me in they eye. It was the size of a baseball. And it was pulsing. I felt my stomach lurch, and it was all I could do not to grab a steak knife and go to town. Either that, or yell "HIT THE DECK! SHE'S GONNA BLOW!"

So, folks, if you have an affliction that might cause others to spew forth General Tso's chicken, do not eat out.

Miso Full.

So, dinner was really good last night -- $96 w/ tip for the two of us. We had miso soup, avocado tempura, nigiri (fish atop wads of rice) and a huge sashimi plate and washed it all down with an XL tokurri of sake. Fabulous! We definitely could have done without the $17 nigiri platter, but we were hungry, dammit.

I only had to spit two things out into a napkin, and I got slightly grossed out watching Bill eat prawn heads that had been fried. How he could get the litle black eyeballs into his chopsticks was beyond me. I finally had to admit defeat and ask for a fork -- even the toddlers in there were able to use their chopsticks. I suck at it. (hangs head in shame)

At least I looked cute.

Miso Cute!

We're going for sushi and sake at MAIDO ESSENTIAL JAPANESE CUSINE & SAKE BAR. It's not new, but it's new to us. Yum!

I'm wearing jeans rolled up to the calf, knee-length black leather boots, a black cashmere wrap sweater and diamond hoop earrings. I keep strutting around the house singing "Don't you wish your Callie was HAWT like me..."

Bill's just keeps shaking his head and won't look up from World of Warcraft.


I'm sorely misunderstood.

10 Things That Freak Me Out, no lie.

I have a laundry list, so take notes:

1. Babies with their ears pierced. There's very little difference in tiny gold studs and big JLo gold hoops.

Just say no.

2. Bacon bits. Not quite sure if they count as a meat (add Vienna sausages to this category). Plus, they hurt if you bite down on them wrong. And wtf does "imitation" mean?

Meat? Brown gravel?

3. The Indonesian tree guy.

Google him at your own risk.

4. Buttons. Mentioned earlier but, hey, I said it's a laundry list ...

Nasty.

5. Best Buy on Black Friday. I won't even camp in the woods, let alone outside a store on Thanksgiving night.

A nerdfight waiting to happen with bowstaffs and swords.

6. Stickers. BooBerry likes to put a whole sheet of them on her body. If I have just one on me, I freak out.

"Get'emoffGet'emoffGet'emoffGet'emoffGet'emoff"

3. Tequila. See: my bachelorette party Oct. 4, 2001. Not. Pretty.

No friend of mine.

8. Wendy's hamburgers. Because hamburger? Should not be square.

9. Oobi. Anyone who has kids knows what I'm talking about.

WTF with the eyes an' such?

10. HOTEL DRINKING GLASSES. Oh. My. God.

Scandalous.

My BITTEN peacoat ...

... was hanging in the hall closet.

And now it's too cold to wear it.

Hi, My Name is ...

... Mandy, and I'm a Little Pet Shop addict.
Oh, and I also have problems with My Little Ponies.

It's been one hour, 12 minutes since my last purchase... (pause)

Oh, wait ... (Damn you, Amazon.)

It's been 18 minutes since my last purchase. It all started with Beanie Babies, or maybe it was Cabbage Patch Kids. I had to have every last one. I can remember standing in line at the Galleria at 8 a.m. waiting for this little shop in the mall to open at 10 -- with about 150 other women. We all wanted those effing Beanie Babies. Yes, my mother paid $100 for the Princess and Erin bears (wtf?) Yes, we drove to dozens of Kentuckiana McDonald's locations to get the Teenie Beanies in the Happy Meals -- and I remember the wastebaskets being FULL of uneaten Happy Meals. All those starving kids in Somalia, and we were throwing away food for tiny stuffed animals.

The damn Beanies are still in a foot locker in my basement. About $2,000+-worth of them.

And now, it's starting all over again. BooBerry has more than 30 My Little Ponies, and she finally told me she "had enough, Mommy. I don't need any more ponies."

Touché.

I probably shouldn't have seen her playing with a Littlest Pet Shop set this morning when I dropped her off at school, because I bought a 10-pack of LPS animals and a play set on my way in to work, then ordered the Round N Round Town:



But hey -- at least it's for my mother-in-law to give to Boo at Christmas...




(Also, why does that pony look like her name should be Svetlana and she should be yodeling in the Swiss Alps?)

Don't you hate it...

... when you lose something?

When Bill and I were in NYC this past summer, I bought an adorable pea coat at Steve & Barry's from SJP's Bitten line.

It looks like this:



For the life of me, I can't remember what I freaking did with it. It's somewhere in the bowels of my house, waiting in all its cuteness to be worn this fall.

Dang it.

O Holy Hell.

I need ONE FREAKING MY COKE REWARD POINT to get the stupid hoodie I've been saving up for all year.

GAH!!!!!!

I HAVE A LOVE/HATE RELATIONSHIP WITH MY JOB.

There's ALWAYS food in our test kitchen.

These hot, fresh Otis Spunkmeyer cookies say "Eat me..."
(for some reason, I keep singing
"Dontcha wish your cookies were hot like mine...")

... as does this bowl of leftover Halloween
candy that magically keeps refilling itself.

_________________________________________________________
DON'T FORGET TO VOTE HERE FOR MY CHRISTMAS GIFT.
(Of course, Bill could still surprise me...)

Men ...

... this is sure to get the ladies this Christmas season.

Few things excite me more than a PIMPED OUT SANTA COWBOY HAT. And, it's on sale, too.
(Bet this model had to down some serious qualuudes just to cope with this photo shoot.)

Q & A Part Due

OK, C, here they are...

I'm continuing the survey below with the cliff-hanging conclusion to this scintillating survey:

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? A couple of years ago. I jumped into Boo's Christmas picture to surprise Bill.

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? If I weren't a writer, I would have been a musical theater major. Just wish I sang better. That's my "Make a Wish" dream (you know -- if you were a Make-A-Wish kid, what would your dream be?) -- to sing in a musical.

53. Is Christmas stressful? Not anymore. I can take the whole week off now!

54. Ever eat a pirogi? Not willingly.

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? HATE fruit pies. Will tolerate blueberry and strawberry rhubarb. Fruit is fine. Food is fine. Don't mix them, for Christ's sake.

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were younger? Journalist. I got a Fisher-Price printing press when I was 6. Defined me for life. (I also wanted to be a horse-trainer. You can see how well that part turned out.)

57. Do you believe in ghosts? Sure. I love me some Ghost Hunters (Steve is hawt.)

58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? All the time.

59. Take a vitamin daily? Yep. Multi-vitamin and a calcium pill.

60. Wear slippers? C'mon. I'm in freakin' Kentucky. Our feet are bare from the moment they hit the floor at home.

61. Wear a bath robe? No.

62. What do you wear to bed? Pajama bottoms & a pizza t-shirt

63. First concert? Hmmm... Willie Nelson with my folks, I guess. By myself was probably Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation tour. Sweet.

64. Wal-Mart, Target or K-Mart? Target fer shur.

65. Nike or Adidas? Neither. I'm a New Balance gurl.
66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Oh, my lord, Cheetos. I consumed BAGS of them when I was pregnant.

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Salted peanuts in the shell. Damn fine viddles there.

68. Ever hear of, "gorp"? Yes, but I've actually never seen gorp.

69. Ever take dance lessons? Yes, as a kid, and I took an adult tap class after I had Boo to get me out of the house.

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Can I see a future spouse instead? (Hey, Wentworth Miller, I'm lookin' at you. Call me!)

71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes. Although I don't know why I would ever need to.

72. Ever won a spelling bee? School spelling bee in 6th grade. Went out at the city bee in a blaze of rotten fish (I can't even remember the word, but it was some kind of fish I'd never heard of.)

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Sure. Last time was entering the Magic Kingdom with BooBerry.

74. Own any record albums? Records? What are records?

75. Own a record player? See above.

76. Regularly burn incense? No. Another fucking thing I'm allergic to.

77. What's the worst part about camping? I don't camp.

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Colbie Caillat, Maroon 5

79. What was the last concert you saw? David Gray. Bill dragged me there. I had no idea who he was.

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Hot.

81. Tea or coffee? Coffee. Especially a latte.

82. Sugar cookies or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles, I guess. Don't really like either one. This is a hella-lame question.

83. Can you swim well? Yes. I love to swim!

84. Can you hold your breath w/o manually holding your nose? Of course.

85. Are you patient? Nope. I freely admit that. Most people who know me would call bullshit if I said I was.

86. DJ or band, at a wedding? A good DJ, although we had a string quartet during our ceremony.

87. Ever won a contest? Sure.

88. Ever have plastic surgery? Nope.

89. Missing QUESTION HERE, so I'll say my favorite drink is a vodka martini, up.

90. Can you knit or crochet? I can knit a little. But only scarves.

91. Best room for a fireplace? Bedroom.

93. If married, how long have you been married? 6 years. Woot!

94. Who is/was your HS crush? A blond kid named Eric who was in my class from 6th grade through senior year. WTF was I thinking? He was only into I-Roc Zs and cute girls. I was neither.

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Sometimes.

96. Do you have kids? BOOBERRY IN THE HOUSE! WHAT UP!

97. Do you want kids? One more.

98. What is your favorite color? Yellow. Or kelly green.

99. Do you miss anyone right now? Lori. She's in Turkey!

100. Who do you wanna see right now? Bill. That would mean it's 10 p.m., Boo's in bed, Heroes is on and I have a glass of Cab next to me! (Ok, I did this last night...)

DON'T FORGET TO VOTE HERE FOR MY CHRISTMAS GIFT. (Of course, Bill could still surprise me...)

OMGOMGMGOMGOMG ...

Baby Uggs.

VOTE FOR MY CHRISTMAS GIFT!

... choose a birthstone for one of my Christmas gifts. I need a right-hand ring and I'm torn.

Exhibit A:
9x7 mm (whatever that means) aquamarine with .08 ctw diamonds in white gold.

Exhibit B:
1 ct. aqua stone (wtf does "aqua" mean? Is it a real freakin' stone? 'cause it has a real freakin' price.) with .18 ctw diamonds. I love the SHAPE on this one.


What's the verdict? Vote to the right.

Amazing.

"Gravity" by Sara Bareilles. You might have heard "Love Song" on the radio. She's one of the rare performers who sounds as good in person as she does on her albums.

Even more amazing is her performance of this song HERE, which was recorded for a charity album.

Add to the list of things I love...

...at Trader Joe's are the Chile Lime Chicken Burgers in the frozen aisle. So tasty with a slice of cheese and some low-fat mayo. If you have one near you (which we don't, dammit), I highly recommend picking up a couple of boxes.

Bored?

Read this, then fill out your own answers. I blatantly stole this from Suzanne, but it's NaBloPoMo, so all's fair in love and finding something to post. I even broke it into two posts to get my (stolen) money's worth. So here's the first 50 Qs. Check back tomorrow if you care how I answer the following 50.

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Depends. Usually there's all kindsa shit hanging from the doorknob, so it won't shut anyway.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel? Heck, yeah! I paid for those suckers. I even hide them on additional nights so housekeeping will fill 'er up. I can't remember the last time we bought a bar of non-hotel soap.

3. Have you ever 'done it' in a hotel room? Sure. We travel a lot.

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No. That shit causes accidents.

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? What kinda dumb question is this? Of course, I do.

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Every week. They pile up on the counter, the cats knock them off and Bill eventually tosses them in exasperation. It's a game I like to call "Coupon Piss Off."

7. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees? Bees. I'm not allergic. A bear can kick my ass.

8. Do you have freckles? Here and there. Mostly there.

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Ew. Not since I got these effing braces.

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? Hypocrisy. Or Bill wiping his toothpasty mouth on my nice clean bath towel. It's a toss up.

11. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? In at the bottom, out on the sides.

12. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Sometimes. I'm slightly OCD.

13. Have you ever peed in the woods? Please. I was a Girl Scout until I was 18 and spent my summers on an island in Minnesota. We pee freely.

14. Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? Yes. I've been caught, too. Makes you feel like a frickin' idiot.

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? Ew. No. BACTERIA, people.

16. How many people have you slept with this week? Two. Bill and BooBerry during naps. And the dog and kitten, if you want to count them.

17. What size is your bed? Woot! We got a king this September. Best sleep I've had since before I got hitched.

18. What is your "Song of the week"? MIKA: Happy Ending. Heard it on one of my shows last week (I think it was "Gossip Girl")

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Only in polo shirts. Ralph Lauren pink is hawt.

20. Do you still watch cartoons? LOVE LOVE LOVE Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.

21. What's your least favorite movie? Hmmm... Nothing's standing out as making me puke a little in my mouth... oh yeah! I know. SIDEWAYS. That's two hours of my life I can never get back. I was pissed 10 minutes in.

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? The bank. Duh.

23. What do you drink with dinner? Wine, water or soda.

25. What is your favorite food/cuisine? Jelly Belly jelly beans & Mexican.

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? The Goonies, Spaceballs, Shawshank Redemption, Heartbreakers, Chocolat, The Cutting Edge... probably more except now I have my iPod on listening to Mika and rockin' out to drown out the construction noise and can't think straight

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? BooBerry as I left for work.

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? I was a senior scout up until I graduated! Use the rent the locker next to mine in HS to sell cookies. Which made me both popular and a serious loser at the same time.

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No, but if I had the perfect body and they offered me a million dollars, I could possibly change my mind. (Ditto, Suz.)

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? A month or so ago. I sent Lori a letter to Turkey! (OK, actually it was a card, but I still wrote in it.)

31. Can you change the oil on a car? Uhh, no. That's what the men at Valvoline get paid to do.

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? 2 within 10 miles and 15 minutes. Apparently the first one did not stick. (I was seriously pissed.)

33. Ran out of gas? Yep. I was 7 mos. pregnant and trying to get back to J-town, where gas is much cheaper. I was on an interstate overpassed and scared to death. Bill had to come switch me cars and call AAA.

34. Favorite kind of sandwich? Damn, how long is this survey, anyway? Hard salami with spicy mustard, super sharp cheddar cheese, spicy mustard, mayo and lettuce on pumpernickel. Such a guy sandwich, I know. I haven't had one in years, since I was at the lake with my grandmother.

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? Easy. Breakfast lasagna from The Crystal Palace at the Magic Kingdom in Walt Disney World. Would walk through fire for it.

36. What is your usual bedtime? 11ish.

37. Are you lazy? Yes. I admit it. Bill pulls his share and mine a lot of the time. He's the best.

38. When you were younger, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Can't remember anything other than a bunny rabbit, and that's only because my mom has a picture of that.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? Dragon. Rock on.

40. How many languages can you speak? English. I can read Spanish, but not speak it, even after 5 semesters in college.

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Tons: Marie Claire, Cosmo, OK!, Entertainment Weekly, US Weekly, Allure, PINK, Interview and I'm sure I'm missing a couple.

42. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos

43. Are you stubborn? I like to think of it as "strong willed"

44. Who is better...Leno or Letterman? Leno. But I'm never up late enough to watch either.

45. Ever watch soap operas? Nope. Stopped watching Days when Marlena become possessed. Figured I was possessed to keep watching this lame ass show.

46. Afraid of heights? A little.

47. Sing in the car? Always.

48. Dance in the shower? Nope. I'm an in-and-out girl. I will, however, sing until BooBerry yells into the bedroom that she can't hear the tv.

49. Dance in the car? No. Too embarrassed. Plus, I dance like the white girl I am.

50. Ever used a gun? Nope, but I ain't skeered.

Tune in tomorrow for more scintillating answers!

Sick.

For the sake of NaBloPoMo, I'm posting, but I won't tell you how sick I am because it is gross. The splitting headache I have is the least of my worries. I've been camped out on the couch all morning watching DVRed Journeyman eps while Bill and BooBerry went to his dad's to celebrate his dad's birthday. I've managed to choke down a granola bar, a handful of cashews and a glass of milk.


Bill's promised to bring me home a McDonald'c grilled chicken sandwich. It's the only thing I feel like stomaching. I need to clean my house (it's beginning to look like something the officers and TV crews wade through on Cops...)

Being sick sucks. I'm going back to bed. Screw the house. Feel free to wade.

Quirky = charming, right?

Aside from my aversion to buttons, I also have an aversion to fruit-flavored pies, cakes and other desserts. I like fruit, don't get me wrong, I just don't think it needs to be mixed with food. Fruit is fruit. Pie is cream pie. Cake should not be fruit flavored. This picture makes me want to gag (although the ice cream, when scraped off, is salvageable.)

This sometimes presents a problem when dining at other people's houses. Take, for instance, the beautiful poached apple and walnut salad served a few weeks ago at Bill's aunt's house. The apples were spiced and lovely. They just shouldn't have been atop my greens. Honestly. It gave me the willies. ( I picked at it and slid it over to Bill not-so-covertly.)

This also holds true for pies –– the only fruit pie I can stomach is blueberry, and occasionally, strawberry rhubarb (although rhubarb is technically a vegetable, right?). Hence, I can usually turn down the office birthday dessert 'cause around these parts, we get to choose what we'd like to have. For me, that's a triple chocolate layer cake with chocolate icing (although red velvet is my favorite, it's not all that common at Sam's Club, where our office manager shops).

Just another of my hang-ups, I guess, since I most definitely do not consider appletinis or Jelly Belly jelly beans in my anti-fruit/food campaign.

And this?
This is just wrong on so many levels.