File Under "Random"

So I like Amazon.com as well as the next bargain shopper. The fact that I can buy the latest smut-filled romance novel, a bag of cheesy poofs and a new hair dryer all in one order is appealin. Plus, I can do it all while sitting on my ass, drinking a glass of cabernet and watching "Big Brother."

Every Friday, the online mega retailer has a "Friday Sale." It's usually a hodge-podge of random shit that people don't need but can't resist at the low, low bargain price of only $x.xx.

Today's Friday Sale seems to be even more random than usual. I know some group of Amazonians sit around a coffee cup-littered meeting room and pour over their inventory to see where sales are slumping, but c'mon guys, who really needs:


...a ferret cage ($159.99)? I'm sure this is a lovely one, and the reviews from white trash faithful ferret owners are quite nice (the white trash party is based solely on the two ferret owners I have ever know, and is aptly applied in those cases). But, damn -- "I'll take 'Random Pet Items for $200, please, Alex!"










Then, there's also "Spa in a Box." ($1098.41)WTF, man? Even the price is random. It's friggin' portable -- so, what, you can travel with it? Somehow, I'm thinking this isn't TSA approved. Gonna take it to the next kegger, are you? The idea of taking this "convenient" toy to a party probably isn't the most sanitary thing to do (I've seen what can happen in a hot tub. And it was fuuuuuun). But, whatever -- if anyone actually buys this stupid thing, let me know. I'd actually like to have a hot tub ...



Next, let's examine the two-man deer stand. ($79.97) While it's true that chicks dig guys with great skills, (especially those who use bowstaffs), I'm thinking that bragging to that hot chick you just sidled up to at the club is not going to be impressed when you brag that this deer stand is your latest purchase. It just can't complete with a Porsche or an uptown condo. Better keep this purchase to yourselves, boys.









Finally, we come to this: A turn table. ($106.95. Hell, I've probably got one in my attic I'll give you.) Hey, mister DJ -- if you're still spinnin' on one of these, it should be duly noted that "scratching" is sooooo "In Living Color" (what up, Fly Girls!). Word up.