I still have it.

Whatever it is.

I got macked on by the biggest black guy I've ever seen in the Kroger parking lot today.

As I was walking out, I saw a large, overweight (and I say this as in scarily, waddlingly huge) guy to my right walking down the parking lot. I went down my aisle, loaded the Tucson with my bags of tuna steaks, SmartWater, milk and pizza sauce, and went to put my cart in the cart corral.

The dude followed behind me, and moved to grab my cart, which made me think he was the cart guy that takes the carts indoors. Oh, he took my cart, alright.

"Thank you so much!" I exclaimed.

"Hey, where'd you get them sunglasses? I never seen them before," he says. "Those are bad."

He is, of course, talking about my fabulous gold-rimmed Michael Kors sunglasses I bought at the Saks Fifth Avenue Outlet during my trip to Tuscon. So it was only a partial lie when I smiled politely and said, "Saks Fifth Avenue" and went back to my car.

I walked back into my car and got in. In my rear view mirror, I saw him put the cart in the cart corral... and move toward his Jeep parked next to it. So not Cart Guy.

Unfortunately, there was a car blocking my path from backing out to the left, so I backed straight out parallel to this dude's Jeep. I put my car in drive and start to leave, and I hear: "'ey! 'ey! 'ey!"

I slam on the brakes thinking I'd hit something. I see Big Boy walking toward me and I crack my window.

Him: "Where'd you say you got them glasses again?"
Me: "Saks Fifth Avenue."
Him: "I never heard of that. Where's it at?"
Me: "Well, New York, for one..."
Him: (pause) "So, where you go out?"
Me: "I have to go..."

I floored it.

Why couldn't the tall surfer dude with the long blonde locks in the parking lot have been the one to hit on me? Oh, right. It was probably the blonde bimbo (in the white hoodie in 95 degree heat) with him.

But at least I still got a little bit of it...