This is a how-to on how to reaallllly piss off Mandy at a movie theater.
Hi, my name is Cankles. I sat next to Mandy during the hella expensive 3-D + IMAX showing of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix this afternoon. Boy, Mandy sure did look hot in her Platform 93/4 t-shirt. Wonder where she got that?
Back to our how-to guide. So Mandy and her husband, Bill, arrived 15 minutes early for the show. I, of course, had to remove my black-Reeboked, white-socked feet from the seat in front of me to let them pass.
I then proceeded to loudly discuss my knowledge of thestrels, the Aveda Kedavra curse, Ron & Hermione's relationship and straight-from-mugglenet.com news on what to expect on the final book to my partner, who closely resembles a Hobbit (shh...don't tell her I said that). Loudly. Because, of course, I had to show my knowledge of all things Harry Potter. It doesn't take occlumancy to know I obviously know everything -- I looked around to make sure everyone was listening.
Once the movie started, I held my ginormous Juicy knock-off bowler bag on my lap. That way, I could better dig out the ten sacks of groceries I brought with me to snack on. I also opened each bag individually. I like to do that during quiet parts of the film so I can hear that little *whoosh* the bag of Cheetos makes as it opens. And, mmmm....boy, those pork rinds sure were good and crunchy. I brought my own soda, by the way -- I had to open it during the movie, and a little sprayed out, but it was tasty.
Finally, I like to laugh REAL LOUD at all the funny parts of the movie. No one minds my little snorts I make when I laugh. And I always talk to my Hobbit pal about parts of the book the movie was skipping. Loudly. And I'm sure no one minded my Tourette's-like outburts of "Cool!" and "Yeah!" and "OH, MAN! FREAKIN' AWESOME!", or my sporadic bursts of clapping, despite the fact that no one else was clapping. Did I mention I was loud?
And that, my friend, is how to piss off Mandy at a movie theater.
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5 comments:
Geez, that sucks big ones! Just how many times did you want to stick her face in that knock-off Juicy bag?? ;o)
I'm sorry that sounds like the perfect movie experience...only if she shared the pork and soda
I brought the boys with the candy of their choice, which each finished before the movie started.
There were only 5 empty seats in our theatre, one was right next to younger son (a reserved for wheelchair companion seat in the front row) I did, however, watch some woman yell at another woman because she'd reserved several seats with her jacket, bag, bag o stuff, etc, and when she came back, people were sitting in HER seats.
Sorry that you had to sit next to Cankles.
Grrr. I go psychotic in the movies. She's really lucky she sat next to you and not me. :-)
You write very well.
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