WoW quotes to bring in the new year ...

Apparently I got sidetracked watching the shit called Dick Clark's Rockin' New Years Eve (not to mention the sloppy seconds Fox got stuck with...) because I never finished this post.

Bill said something.

Funny.

Then wouldn't let me blog it.

On account of him being a private person.

Methinks he married the wrong girl ...

Well, I've decided to live.

Although we had to cancel our reservations at Napa River Grill, I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I've managed to keep everything I've eaten down and I'm actually upright in the great room -- although I have yet to get dressed. My sweats and Uggs slippers will have to take the place of my adorable wide-leg jeans and yellow sweater I'd planned to wear this evening. But at least my innards are going to stay INSIDE my body...

At least I won't end up like THIS tomorrow:

God and I had a little disagreement last night.

When I was bowing to the porcelain God begging to die last night, unfortunately He disagreed and I've been in bed ever since. Apparently it's going around, but I'm not sure how I f*cking ended up with it since I literally haven't left the house since Saturday night.

Not looking like I'm going to be ringing in the New Year in true Mandyland fashion... lame.

Christmas Award of Excellence ...

... goes to Ryan the Intern of HHJH fame and for being pegged as homeless and/or fashion-senseless. Seriously. You guys are not getting the full-on Intern degredation here... the story in person is way better.

Also, let it be known that the Intern totally took one for team BooBerry by trying to get her a Smores pony ... and then Bill said "no."



That's ... not a word I understand...

A good day.

Bed.
A new computer.
A screwdriver.
"Fried Green Tomatoes" on the telly.

I could be shopping, but then I thought, "f*ck it. I don't need anything."



Hey, I took a shower today. Aren't you proud of me?

Early Christmas pictures! Using my new laptop!

Me in the car to my mother-in-law's house!
Bella shot this one. Look at those gorgeous new teeth!


BooBerry in the car.


Getting ready for Santa.



Christmas morning!

New art studio.

Part of Boo's haul.

My haul!!! Look at my new laptop
(the pink and white and red swirly!!)

Best Craig's List post EVER.*

NINJA HAULER: 2005 Nissan Xterra - $12900 (Ronan / Lake County)

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reply to: sale-935623801@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-11-26, 5:55PM MST
OK, let me start off by saying this Xterra is only available for purchase by the manliest of men (or women). My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o'clock shadow, this Nissan would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that adorable shirt at Abercrombie & Fitch that you had your eye on. It wasn't meant to transport you to yoga class or Linens & Things. No, that's what your Prius is for. If that's the kind of car you're looking for, then just do us all a favor and stop reading right now. I mean it. Just stop.

This car was engineered by 3rd degree ninja super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan to serve the needs of the man that cheats death on a daily basis. They didn't even consider superfluous nancy boy amenities like navigation systems (real men don't get lost), heated leather seats (a real man doesn't let anything warm his butt), or On Star (real men don't even know what the hell On Star is).

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fueled super action junkies need. It has a 265 HP engine to outrun the cops. It's got special blood/gore resistant upholstery. It even has a first-aid kit in the back. You know what the first aid kit has in it? A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you're operating on yourself. The Xterra also has an automatic transmission so if you're being chased by Libyan terrorists, you'll still be able to shoot your machine gun out the window and drive at the same time. It's saved my bacon more than once.

It has room for you and the four hotties you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes. There's a tow hitch to pull your 50 caliber anti-Taliban, self cooling machine gun. I also just put in a new windshield to replace the one that got shot out by The Man.

My price on this bad boy is an incredibly low $12,900, but I'll entertain reasonable offers. And by reasonable, I mean don't walk up and tell me you'll give me $5,000 for it. That's liable to earn you a Burmese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let's just say you won't be the prettiest guy at the Coldplay concert anymore.

There's only 69,000 miles on this four-wheeled hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it's a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then contact me. I might be out hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with my ladies, but I'll get back to you. And when I do, we'll talk about a price over a nice glass of Schmidt while we listen to Johnny Cash.

To sweeten the deal a little, I'm throwing in this pair of MC Hammer pants for the man with rippling quads that can't fit into regular pants. Yeah, you heard me. FREE MC Hammer pants.

Rock on.



* Thanks, bro.

Merry Christmas.

My papaw went to IU. He'd approve.

Quid Pro Quo.

This is how Japan sees us:



This is how we see Japan:

This is so bad...

Even for you, FoxNews headline writers:

There's an editor somewhere at FoxNews HQ that needs my size 8 Croc thrown at his/her head.

I've lost...

... the feeling in my big toe. Apparently the boot or bandage is cutting off the circulation. I woke up at 5 a.m. and literally RIPPED the boot off and threw it on the floor.

I'm so very over this.

It's Official. I have no LiFE.

SUPPOSEDLY if you've seen over 85 films, you have no life. Mark the ones you've seen. There are 239 films on this list. Copy this list, check which ones you've seen, paste this here.

( ) Rocky Horror Picture Show
(x) Grease
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2:Dead Man's Chest
( ) Boondock Saints
( ) Fight Club
( ) Starsky and Hutch
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles
(x) Airplane
Total: 6

(x) The Princess Bride
( ) Anchorman
(x) Napoleon Dynamite
(x) Labyrinth
( ) Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
( ) White Oleander
( ) Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates
(x) The Princess Diaries
(x ) The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 12

(x) Scream
(x) Scream 2
(x) Scream 3
(x) Scary Movie
(x) Scary Movie 2
( ) Scary Movie 3
( ) Scary Movie 4
(x) American Pie
( ) American Pie 2
( ) American Wedding
( ) American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 18

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
( ) Resident Evil 1
( ) Resident Evil 2
( ) The Wedding Singer
( ) Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 24

(x) Finding Nemo
( ) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs
(x) The Grinch
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
( ) Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
( ) White Chicks
( ) Butterfly Effect
(x) 13 Going on 30
( ) I, Robot
( ) Robots
Total so far: 28

( ) Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
( ) Universal Soldier
( ) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
( ) Along Came Polly
( ) Deep Impact
( x) KingPin
( x) Never Been Kissed
( ) Meet The Parents
( ) Meet the Fockers
( ) Eight Crazy Nights
( ) Joe Dirt
( ) KING KONG
Total so far: 30

(x ) A Cinderella Story
(x ) The Terminal
( ) The Lizzie McGuire Movie
( ) Passport to Paris
() Dumb & Dumber
( ) Dumber & Dumberer
( ) Final Destination
( ) Final Destination 2
( ) Final Destination 3
( ) Halloween
() The Ring
( ) The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
( ) Flubber (the original, yes. the remake, no)
Total so far: 35

( ) Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
( ) Practical Magic
( x) Chicago
( ) Ghost Ship
( ) From Hell
( x) Hellboy
( ) Secret Window
( ) I Am Sam
( ) The Whole Nine Yards
( ) The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 20

( ) The Day After Tomorrow
( ) Child's Play
(x ) Seed of Chucky
( ) Bride of Chucky
( x) Ten Things I Hate About You
( ) Just Married
( ) Gothika
(x ) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
( ) Remember the Titans
( ) Coach Carter
( ) The Grudge
( ) The Grudge 2
( ) The Mask
( ) Son Of The Mask
Total so far: 39

( ) Bad Boys
( ) Bad Boys 2
( ) Joy Ride
( ) Lucky Number Slevin
( x) Ocean's Eleven
( x) Ocean's Twelve
( x) Bourne Identity
( ) Bourne Supremecy
( ) Lone Star
( ) Bedazzled
( ) Predator I
( ) Predator II
(x ) The Fog
( ) Ice Age
( ) Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
( ) Curious George
Total so far: 43

(x) Independence Day
( ) Cujo
( ) A Bronx Tale
( ) Darkness Falls
( ) Christine
(x) ET
( ) Children of the Corn
( ) My Bosses Daughter
(x ) Maid in Manhattan
(x ) War of the Worlds
( ) Rush Hour
( ) Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 47

( ) Best Bet
(x ) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(x ) She's All That
( ) Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways
( ) Mars Attacks
( ) Event Horizon
(x ) Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz
(x) Forrest Gump
(x ) Big Trouble in Little China
( x) The Terminator
(x ) The Terminator 2
( ) The Terminator 3
Total so far: 56

( x) X-Men
(x ) X-2
(x ) X-3
( x) Spider-Man
(x) Spider-Man 2
(x) Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
( ) Jeepers Creepers 2
( x) Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid
(x) Freaky Friday
( ) Reign of Fire
( ) The Skulls
(x) Cruel Intentions
( ) Cruel Intentions 2
( ) The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek
( ) Shrek 2
Total so far: 67

( x) Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
( ) Old School
() The Notebook
( x) K-Pax
( ) Krippendorf's Tribe
( ) A Walk to Remember
(x ) Ice Castles
( ) Boogeyman
( x) The 40-year-old Virgin
Total so far: 72

( x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x ) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
( x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
() Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 77

( ) Baseketball
( ) Hostel
(x ) Waiting for Guffman
( ) House of 1000 Corpses
( ) Devils Rejects
( x) Elf
( ) Highlander
( ) Mothman Prophecies
( ) American History X
( ) Three
Total so Far: 79

( ) The Jacket
( ) Kung Fu Hustle
( ) Shaolin Soccer
( ) Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x ) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
(x ) Shaun Of the Dead
( ) Willard
Total so far: 83

( ) High Tension
( ) Club Dread
( ) Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x ) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
( ) 28 days later
( ) Orgazmo
( ) Phantasm
( ) Waterworld
Total so far: 85 ((Shit))

( ) Kill Bill vol 1
( ) Kill Bill vol 2
( ) Mortal Kombat
( ) Wolf Creek
( ) Kingdom of Heaven
( ) the Hills Have Eyes
( ) I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
( ) The Last House on the Left
( ) Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 85

(x) The Matrix
(x) The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
( ) Animatrix ( ) Evil Dead
( ) Evil Dead 2 () Team America: World Police
(x) Red Dragon
( x) Silence of the Lambs
(x) Hannibal
Total so far: 91

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
( ) Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
( ) Ewoks The Battle For Endor


TOTAL: 97

Seriously, Suzanne, you haven't seen "Titanic"?

Some of these are EPIC, people. Get the to Blockbuster today.

Seems right to me...

Hey, Lori!

XOXO,
Porkfat

The Worst Thing You'll See All Day.

I just became a vegetarian. Seriously. At least use stock art or cute little clip arts of cows instead of the f*cking cow you're going to be eating. Shit. We have steaks thawed out for dinner tonight. I can't eat that shit now. I'm going to buy this cow and send the poor thing to INDIA where it can be revered as a god instead of FREEZER BEEF.

Boo's Take on Dinner.

Callie...

... has completed destroyed every ribbon and bow in the house by eating it. And now she's horking it up all over the house.

Christmas with cats is awesome.


ETA: Oh, look. An appropriate LOLcat.

It's that time of year again ...

... no, not Christmas. The time of year when I remind everyone to wash your filthy hands, use tissues and take Zicam so I don't get your funky germs.



(Long hair + bangs is sooo 2004.)

Mandyland Tutorial of the Day.

NOW! WITH SUBTITLES!!



Nobody gets my humor around here. Thanks, Bridge, for that little nugget.

My dad wouldn't do this for me...

He wanted to dance to this:



I wish I were kidding. Mom put the kibbosh on that real fast.

(Also, thanks Shelly for the first video.)

Worst DING! Fare Headline EVER.

Room Service Fail.

My favorite breakfast (bagels & lox) got f*cked in Reno.

Reno.

Josh and I returned from Reno a few days ago. I won $40 on a 20-cent bet, got a kickin' facial and got asked by the guy in this video if I hurt my foot skiing. I totally said I did. (Hey, apparently Reno is close to Tahoe and folks see lots of foot & leg injuries.)

If all goes well ...

... meaning I don't bust my ass and break something else tonight, Josh and I will be traveling to the Biggest Little City in the World tomorrow.


I've got a surprise lined up for Josh --


so don't tell him. It's a surprise. (If he comes home with a nasty rash, though, it won't be my fault.)


I plan on using my crutches to their fullest potential in the hotel. I won't be able to join him at the nightclub, where I'm sure he'll be douchebagging it to his finest while I gamble at the penny slot machines with the meemaws and peepaws and their oxygen machines (win win).

Also, our hotel reservations include a "spa treatment," and it totally sucks that I can't get a massage with my stupid cast. I've opted for a facial instead to go with my gorgeous new smile.

The wishbone.

Her wish is way sweeter than mine would have been
(which would have included the slot machines in Reno tomorrow).

Also, I think I've completed my second NaBloPoMo event, so congrats to me! I have to thank my mom for busting my chops several times at 10 p.m. when I hadn't posted anything, though. It was like when I was a kid and hadn't done my homework...

Blog Tagged.

I have been tagged by Songbird.


The Rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog (this is what you are now reading).
3. List 6 random things about yourself.
4. Tag 6 people at the end of your post.
5. Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.

Six random things about me:

1. My first date with Bill was in Barbados. The island. At a beachside French restaurant. He ordered lobster, I had red snapper and we drank merlot. Most romantic date EVER. Yeah, you wish you were me.

2. I was 85% sure BooBerry was a boy. If so, her name would have been Noah Michael. The middle name was for Bill's best friend who had a heart attack at the age of 30 and passed away two weeks before Boo was born. We opted not to find out the sex of the baby and it made it so much fun! (Not that I would know what to do with a boy... he'd be the gayest little thing ever in his Janie and Jack lederhosen.)

3. There are 5 foods I wouldn't eat even if they were a reward on "Survivor": beets, yams/sweet potatoes, White Castles, meatloaf and raisins. Five kinds of nasty right there.

4. I want a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, but Bill says we're at our "pet maximum" in the house. I disagree. I could totally become crazy cat lady. (Also, who told Bill he's in charge of me?)

5. I love sushi -- but only the fish kind. No eel, octopus, shrimp, shark or cat. I'm probably going to get food poisioning and die someday. Guess I'd deserve it for eating raw fish.

6. I have a secret stash of about 200 original Beanie Babies in several foot lockers in the basement. It was my obsession in the 1990s. I don't even want to think about how much money we spent on those. (Don't judge. I don't mention the spoon collection or Hardee's Smurf glasses collection I bet some of you have it YOUR basements.)


I'm Tagging:

1 & 2. The newly engaged Charmed and Dunnski.

3. The very pregnant Maria G.

4. Everybody's favorite snack cake, even though she'll probably never see it...

5. Crazee Magnet, because his stories never cease to amaze me (grilled cheese + booze + room service = epic fail). If you're not reading his blog, you should be. ((cue Yoda voice)) You should be.

UPDATE: I stand corrected. Crazee has posted the full account of his BLT story here. It's a Mandyland MUST READ, just like Oprah has her f*cking favorite books.

6. An old friend who let me crash on her couch during Rush Week when I was a Rho Chi (rush counselor). I've never forgotten that, K!

Asshole.

I know I've got to go to bed but I've been sucked in by Lifetime's airing of "The Thorn Birds" which I've probably seen in whole a dozen times.

Richard Chamberlain does play a convincing straight priest, though.

Black Friday + Broken Foot - Crutches = Bad Idea.

Started out at 5:45 a.m. Hit Wal-Mart first, figuring since they opened at 5 a.m., the greatest rush would be over. I managed to pick up the My Size Barbie BooBerry doesn't need, plus a copy of 101 Dalmations (I'm not sure if we have it -- I'll have to have Bill go digging in DVD Land to see).

The checkout line was PACKED -- about -10 people deep (amateurs), so I snuck into the jewelry department and breezed right through.

Then headed to the mall and found a handicapped parking space. I hit the Disney Store first and got a sweatshirt for me, a small art kit for BooBerry, wrapping paper and a cape all for $35 (they had 20% off until 10 a.m. -- score!)

Then I stumbled over to Bath and Body Works and traffic was picking up a bit. I somehow spent $119 but got, like, $300 in shit I don't need. BUT, I picked up Bill's Nana's gift, so it wasn't all me.

By now, I was beginning to regret leaving my crutches in the car. I limped down to Old Navy and got a new velour sweatshirt (I'm living in them with my bad foot & crutches) and an argyle sweater for the dog.

Thanks for the sweater, Mom!

By now, my foot was starting to THROB. I had one last stop to make, and of course it was at the farthest wing of the mall. I managed to struggle down there under my packages and bought facewash for Bill & I.

I had a LOT of trouble getting back to the car. I could literally FEEL the break in my foot -- the two slices of bone. Pretty painful.

Still, I was home by 8:15 a.m. with a large bag of McDonald's sustenance for breakfast, and was back in bed by 10:15 a.m. I completely TORE UP my foot, but hey -- the dog got a sweater, so it wasn't completely for naught.

One Big Thanksgiving Turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving!

We were supposed to go to my brother's house today for Thanksgiving dinner, but my nephew has come down with a particularly nasty case of croup which is pretty contageous to little kids (i.e., Bella). My wonderful parents opted out of dinner at his house to put on an impromtu Thanksgiving feast at their house for us.

Bill's currently in the kitchen making his super fabulous dressing balls while I have my foot propped up with coffee and the Black Friday ads waiting for me. I'm hoping to be able to hit up a few stores tomorrow, depending on how my broken paw feels. I'm able to get around a little better and don't need the crutches quite so much anymore.

Anyway, I hope your breasts are bountiful, your dressing, well, dressingful and your family happy and healthy*.




* This non-snarky post brought to you by Mellow Mandy -- not to be confused with MegaBitch Mandy, who will show up tomorrow as she attempts to beat hobags down at Target for cheap shit BooBerry doesn't need.

Good to Know.

Lap dances are not 'sexually stimulating,' according to the chairman of the British Lap Dancing Association. Awesome job, BTW.

I owe youse guys a picture.

I had $1,000 in bonding done to my upper front teeth today and I hardly recognize myself. I can't stop smiling and looking at myself in the mirror. I'm GAAARGOUS.

Next time I'm all purdy for a night out I'll have Bill snap a picture. It's amazing what they can do with cosmetic dentistry these days...

I know you wish you were me.

I have beautiful Russian girls waiting for me. Don't be jealous. Not everyone can have what I have.

Christmastime in Mandyland.

I've been feeling down with the ol' broken foot, so I talked Bill into letting us put up the tree a few days early...



I'm missing some pieces that I think are in a few straggling boxes downstairs. My parents came over to help Bill & Boo decorate since I'm not too quick on my feet this year, so many thanks to them for the help!

A Sunday Pick-Me-Up.

Kristin Chenoweth of "Wicked" and "Pushing Daisies" fame.

(Forgot to mention this song is dedicated to Will the Latte Boy at the Hikes Point Starbucks. I've been stopping in there three times a week for the past three years, and Will still doesn't recognize my grande skim latte, extra hot, with four Splendas. Asshole.)

I want this trashcan from Costco. Bill says no, because we have a fully-functioning trashcan. Really? You're going to argue with me over a trashcan? Dude, I so have a credit card and I'm not afraid to use it.

Oh. My. God.

No, really. OH. MY. GOD.*




* Girls, I don't know who found this, but I applaude you.

Oops.

Might've overdone it today on the ol' broken paw. I'm trying to put more weight on it and it's started to turn a lovely shade of black. Attractive if you're EMO, which I'm not.

Also, don't Google "ouch + foot" because those are some NAS-TY pictures. Kinda makes me want to shut the hell up about my broken foot.

Puppeh cam

This is why I love it! Look at Ayumi (yellow collar). Is there anything more adorable than puppies? Makes me want to jump in that puppy bed and roll around with a carrot and a stuffed fish. Awesome.

Yeah, Suri ...

... that's what I think of your parents, too. I hear ya.

See, this is the kind of competitive parent I'm destined to be.

Also, I'm completely high on painkillers and just spent three solid minutes giggling at this comic.

Oh yay, me.

6-8 weeks. This ride seriously needs some pimping. I have completely f*cked my holiday shopping rituals. This sucks in so many ways.

Well, THIS sucks.

I gave myself 15 minutes of reading time last night and went down the stairs to get the Amazon Kindle. Instead, I got a broken foot. (My foot kinda rolled on the third step from the bottom and went down with an impressive bounce and thud.)

Broke the fifth metatarsal on my left foot -- snapped in two cleanly. I waited 5.5 hours before going to the ER, but Bill had it iced all night. I've never broken anything before ... I thought a break immediately bruised black but mine seems to be all on the inside.

Awesome.

I have an appointment with an orthopedic surgeon tomorrow at noon to follow up on treatment. Which brings me to this point -- WTF good is a HOSPITAL without an orthoped? Seattle Grace* has Callie Torres, right? SOMEBODY in that hospital had the power to cast/boot/saw it off.

My foot hurts.

* Shut up, Bridget.

Hey, Moms!

So, if your child gets invited to a birthday party at a house in your cul-de-sac, is it ok to do the patented "dump and run?" Because that's what I just did.

Boo got invited to a birthday party for a little girl in our cul-de-sac and I totally dumped her and a present and came home to do "laundry" because, y' know, I have to go to Reno on Tuesday.

And by "laundry" I mean episode one of "Summer Heights High" on HBO and a glass of chardonnay.

Awesome. Hey, the other neighborhood Moms did the same.

OH, Mama!

Let me tell you how excited Bill is about our plans this evening ... We have tickets to see Mamma Mia! at the Kentucky Center for the Arts. Fourth row! Even though ABBA was before my time, and I can only name, like, two songs, and it's cold and pouring down rain here, it's still better than Saturday night television.

I am the walrus!

Kookoo ka choo.

I got this for Bill...

... since the new World of Warcraft expansion pack came out yesterday. I probably won't see him for a few months.

Karma is going to bite me in the ass for this, but ...

po⋅et⋅ic jus⋅tice [poh-et-ik] [juhs-tis] –– noun : When two beautiful people make one fugly kid.

And I though AMAZON had some random shit.

Nice one, KB Toys!

What is cuter than puppies*?

CLICK HERE FOR THE BIGGEST TIME SUCK ON THE PLANET.

The six Shiba Inu pups (3 boys and 3 girls) turned 5 weeks old on November 11th. This is the first litter from their mom, Kika.

Girls:
Autumn (Purple collar) - 3 lbs 5.8 oz (as of Nov 11th) - My personal favorite.
Ayumi (Yellow collar) - 3 lbs 3.4 oz (as of Nov 11th)
Amaya (Red collar) - 3 lbs 6.6 oz (as of Nov 11th)

Boys:
Aki (Green collar) - 4 lbs 0.4 oz (as of Nov 11th)
Akoni (Black collar) - 3 lbs 12.6 oz (as of Nov 11th)
Ando (Blue collar) - 3 lbs 1.2 oz (as of Nov 11th)




* Except maybe the Intern.

Girls' Night Out!

What happens when Charmed, Twinkie, Brigitte & I hit a super hip sushi joint for girls' night out?

(Sorry, Brigitte, but you were sitting next to me!)

I lied.

I told the lady at the wine shop at the Wal-Mart neighborhood grocery that I was having a "girl's night" tonight when I stopped in to buy mac & cheese, milk and a bottle of $3 pinot grigio/ chardonnay.

Her: What's the occasion?

(OK, like I could REALLY say I was in my office jamming to Hedley trying to bang out 19 story assignments and the new temp came into my office crying about work drama and totally threw me off my game for the day. Seriously. I need a f*cking reason to buy a $3 bottle* of wine?)

Me: Ohhhh, I'm having Girl's Night!

Her: Can I see your ID, please?

Me: Sure!

Her: What do you do? Just sit around and drink?

Me: Ummmm... no. We watch, ummm... (ok, at this point I'm trying to think of the two shows I watch on Tuesday night )... '90210'!! Right! Um, we watched it as teenagers and now we're watching the new version!!




Oh. My. God. I can't even drink a glass of that shame now.




* Shut the f*ck up! It's lovely chilled.

Genius!

Got some bad news to tell someone? Perhaps tell your girlfriend that you've been cheating on her with her best friend? Or that you accidentally ran over your neighbor's yappy dog?

Break it to them with BABY ANIMALS!

So, lunch was fun.

I ate a hamburger today. I rarely splurge. It just seemed like the right thing to do, like helping little old ladies across the street or rescuing puppies from Michael Vick.

There's a local restaurant that's been here for-e-ver called WW Cousins. There's a funky ol' fake tree with leaves in the middle and I remember going there with my mom after getting my allergy shot back in the 1980s.

Usually, I order a grilled chicken sandwich and their homemade tomato soup, but today's soup was bean soup (beans and my ass don't get along very well. Shut up. You know they don't with you, either.) plus I felt a little rebellous, so I ordered a 1/3-lb. burger (medium rare thankyouverymuch) and French fries.

The best thing about WW Cousins is the fixins bar -- a HUGE salad bar-type toppings station touting everything from salsa to chipotle ranch dressing, sprouts, banana peppers and marinara sauce. As my friend Holly says, "yum-f*cking-o."

So there I am, stuffing my face with burger juice literally dripping down my hand, gnawing on it like a starving little Somalian kid, when in comes what had to be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in real life. She had on a pair of skin-tight faded denim jeans tucked into distressed gray FM boots and a gray angora tunic sweater that hugged her curves like a Band-aid on skin. Her hair was a shimmery blond, her pout perfectly outlined and painted, green eyes expertly rimmed a smoky black. She looked like a newscaster on television.

I hated her. Immediately. On sight. I wanted a hole in the ground to open up and swallow her whole. And the bitch ordered the same thing I did. F*CK. That hamburger? Was a f*ucking SPLURGE for me. She dug in like she ate a side of beef every day.

Jealousy? I haz it. To her I say: Somebody, somewhere is tired of putting up with your shit. I mentally send out a high-five to that person.

Book Corner Time!

OK, so for the past two hours I've been engrossed in Anita Shreve's new book, Testimony. It's a step away from my normal intel op-guy-who-meets-a-gorgeous-heroine-and-they-get-it-on-and-save-a-city and/or-small child romantic suspense, but I have to say that stepping outside of one's comfort zone* (read "The House at Riverton," for example) is refreshing. (Somebody call Oprah because this bitch is getting PROFOUND tonight!)

Anyway, it's about a sex scandal at a private school (three guys! one girl! OMFG it's an episode of "Gossip Girl!") and how it affects everyone from the parents to the headmaster and the students, told from different vantage points. And, jeez. Who knew shit could get so raunchy in Vermont?

Grab it from the library and pour a nice cold glass or four of chardonnay. I finally had to come up for air*.



* Bec, you would love this book.
** Really, I have no idea where Bill & Boo are. I think they're upstairs somewhere.

Don't be "that guy."

Click comic to read.

Oh, hai!

I just booked Animal Kingdom Lodge for spring. There's a buy 4, get 3 free promotion that dropped today and people jumped on that shit like they weren't paying $2,000+ for a room Disney didn't already have filled*. I swear, some of the message board** posters acted like they were going to implode.

Bottom line, we're paying more for our trip but making sure we get a great room and we got some tickets to boot***.




* FTR, I was already booked through Bill's conference. So I'm not a complete douchebaguette.
** STFU. Everybody uses message boards. Right? Riiiight?
*** Yeah, I'm a Disney Douchebaguette. STFU.

Aww, now this is just sad.

Poor McCain. Amazon's giving away a free McCain toy with the purchase of an Obama action figure. See, on top of being free, he gets called a "toy," while Obama is an "action figure".

I'm going to buy the pair and make them fight like Rock 'Em Sock 'Em robots*.







* And pretend to make them toss salad when the fight gets boring.

Our President-Elect!!

And, he's going to be in the Hall of Presidents in the Magic Kingdom!



(You know that was your first thought last night. Don't lie.)

Election Day!

Look!

A kid that's cuter* than my own! Also, watch it until the very end after the fade. Classic.








* OK, not really. He's four and has that going for him.

This bitch is serious!

A serious whackjob*! Also, the eyeshadow? No.






* Who needs to get laid.

Tinkerbell...

Worst. Movie. Ever.

Do not waste $19.99. Buy a bottle of tequila and drown this shit in it. Yeah, it's no shocker this shit went straight to video like Jessica Simpson's "Major Movie Star." Hell, I bet that was better...