I ate a hamburger today. I rarely splurge. It just seemed like the right thing to do, like helping little old ladies across the street or rescuing puppies from Michael Vick.
There's a local restaurant that's been here for-e-ver called WW Cousins. There's a funky ol' fake tree with leaves in the middle and I remember going there with my mom after getting my allergy shot back in the 1980s.
Usually, I order a grilled chicken sandwich and their homemade tomato soup, but today's soup was bean soup (beans and my ass don't get along very well. Shut up. You know they don't with you, either.) plus I felt a little rebellous, so I ordered a 1/3-lb. burger (medium rare thankyouverymuch) and French fries.
The best thing about WW Cousins is the fixins bar -- a HUGE salad bar-type toppings station touting everything from salsa to chipotle ranch dressing, sprouts, banana peppers and marinara sauce. As my friend Holly says, "yum-f*cking-o."
So there I am, stuffing my face with burger juice literally dripping down my hand, gnawing on it like a starving little Somalian kid, when in comes what had to be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in real life. She had on a pair of skin-tight faded denim jeans tucked into distressed gray FM boots and a gray angora tunic sweater that hugged her curves like a Band-aid on skin. Her hair was a shimmery blond, her pout perfectly outlined and painted, green eyes expertly rimmed a smoky black. She looked like a newscaster on television.
I hated her. Immediately. On sight. I wanted a hole in the ground to open up and swallow her whole. And the bitch ordered the same thing I did. F*CK. That hamburger? Was a f*ucking SPLURGE for me. She dug in like she ate a side of beef every day.
Jealousy? I haz it. To her I say: Somebody, somewhere is tired of putting up with your shit. I mentally send out a high-five to that person.
There's a local restaurant that's been here for-e-ver called WW Cousins. There's a funky ol' fake tree with leaves in the middle and I remember going there with my mom after getting my allergy shot back in the 1980s.
Usually, I order a grilled chicken sandwich and their homemade tomato soup, but today's soup was bean soup (beans and my ass don't get along very well. Shut up. You know they don't with you, either.) plus I felt a little rebellous, so I ordered a 1/3-lb. burger (medium rare thankyouverymuch) and French fries.
The best thing about WW Cousins is the fixins bar -- a HUGE salad bar-type toppings station touting everything from salsa to chipotle ranch dressing, sprouts, banana peppers and marinara sauce. As my friend Holly says, "yum-f*cking-o."
So there I am, stuffing my face with burger juice literally dripping down my hand, gnawing on it like a starving little Somalian kid, when in comes what had to be one of the most beautiful women I've ever seen in real life. She had on a pair of skin-tight faded denim jeans tucked into distressed gray FM boots and a gray angora tunic sweater that hugged her curves like a Band-aid on skin. Her hair was a shimmery blond, her pout perfectly outlined and painted, green eyes expertly rimmed a smoky black. She looked like a newscaster on television.
I hated her. Immediately. On sight. I wanted a hole in the ground to open up and swallow her whole. And the bitch ordered the same thing I did. F*CK. That hamburger? Was a f*ucking SPLURGE for me. She dug in like she ate a side of beef every day.
Jealousy? I haz it. To her I say: Somebody, somewhere is tired of putting up with your shit. I mentally send out a high-five to that person.
7 comments:
I Want PICS!!!
Sorry. I was too busy trying not to stab a plastic fork through her eye.
Beauty like that has an expiration date...be glad you aren't her. She'll wake up one morning looking like Leona Helmsley!
I think it's perfectly okay to eat a friggin' hamburger once in awhile. If you get enough fixin's on it..you doin' the same as a stupid V8 juice and you get some protein. You also would get almost all of the food groups in one meal, no matter which food pyramid you use. I prefer the pyramid with dessert on the bottom myself..LOL
Ok..I'm really just posting because I can't find your email address and you and your mother (my sister) need to check out this website. It has a ton of "Black Friday" flyers already posted so you can actually make your shopping map a little early this year. My vote (and driving time here in Honolulu) goes to Walmart and CVS so far.
Gotta stock up on games for my new Wii system.
Okay..maybe I should have sent you the link to the website...duh...midnight here.
http://bfads.net
Try that.
We check that out often, but it doesn't look like there are too many up yet! I need to get a game plan going. Last year I accidentally cut line and nearly started a riot. Awesome.
If I see her again, I will hit her with my new car. It is big and she will not know what hit her.
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