I'm Cheating, Shel.

This came from my friend Shelly via e-mail today and I need a blog post because I am lazy, so here goes... feel free to steal and post, too:

Two names you go by:
1. Mandy, Mandisa (only Jeremy calls me that)

Two things you are wearing right now:
1. khaki capris
2. Disney t-shirt

Two longest car rides:
1. Scott Valley, Arkansas (went to a dude ranch, yes I did)
2. Tower, MN

Two of your favorite things to do:
1. read on my front porch
2. drink wine

Two things you want very badly at the moment:
1. my gall bladder out
2. a buffalo chicken sandwich from Buckhead's. Not that I could eat it.

Three animals you have or have had:
1. Callie – grey kitteh
2. Porkfat – mottled kitteh
3. Little Gypsy Lay-Dee-Dot aka “Doodlebug” - Lhasa apso

Three people who will fill this out:
1. Suzanne
2. Charmed
3. Dunnski

Three things you ate today:
1. a HOT Krispy Kreme (Hurt my gall bladder, but it was soooo worth it)
2. (thinking about eating some Chicken Noodle O's)
3. TBD

Two people you last talked to:
1. Josh
2. Bill

Two things you're doing tomorrow:
1. work
2. Watching "Big Brother 10"

Two favorite holidays:
1. Christmas
2. Thanksgiving

Two favorite beverages:
1. Wine
2. dirty martini (vodka only, please)

Cornbread WTF?

I've been sitting outside for the past two hours pouring over Stephenie Meyer's Eclipse so I can move on to what is apparently a freaking mind-blowing conclusion in Breaking Dawn (sans spoilers) and I came inside to find this:




Bill and Boo made homemade cornbread (and I mean homemade -- no Jiffy shit here). Bill had learned that cornmeal kills ants and we had an anthill in the mulch outside. So he decided to come inside at 8:30 p.m. and make HOMEMADE cornbread in our cast iron skillet.

Not that I'm arguing, because I totally ate that shit, but how RANDOM is that on a Friday night?

Dammit.

I had a HIDA scan (Google it yourself. I'm too lazy and/or wallowing-in-my misery to do it now) and a CT scan on mah gall bladder and liver respectively.

The good news is that my liver is not completely pickled by vodka and wine.

The bad news is that my gall bladder is functioning at 11 percent* so it has to come out. OMG. So I have to combine my lady surgery with my gall bladder.**

Completely. Lame. Remember that I have to have a Xanax to get the wires changed on my braces. You can get a good picture of how I'm going to handle this.



* Seriously? WTF? How am I not dead?
** My brother wants to know if he can have a piece of it. Because he has a potions spell that calls for "the organ of a bitch." And now you know why I am like I am.

THIS is what happens when I send Josh a picture over IM.

ME:

ME: poligamy is awesome

JOSH: and hot

ME: it's the dress. if I wore that dress I would be hot, too

JOSH: automatic turn on

ME: do you think they make their own butter?
like the Amish?

JOSH: i know where they make their own butter

ME: where?

JOSH: in their vagina

ME: no -- they've always got babies up there. no room

JOSH: makes for easy delivery

ME: good point

ME: this is the most inane conversation ever

JOSH: buttered poligamy vaginas are everyday talk for myself
get with the program
let's go talk about it at the water cooler

ME: we should.

ME: pass on the poligamy love

ONHD???? OYHD!!!!

We had a message on our home phone from a "Mr. Donnie" who was "desperately trying to get in touch with a relative" of mine. He left his stupid ass name and phone number.

These kinds of call piss me off. It's obviously a bill collector looking for somebody. We don't even have a "Martha" in the family.

Here's how it went down:

MR. DONNIE: Hello, this is Mr. Donnie with Chase Home Services Lending.

ME: Hi, you called our house today looking for someone?

MR. DONNIE: OK, who was it?

ME: A "Martha Lastname". We have no one in the family by that name.

MR. DONNIE: OK, and you're not a friend or relative of this person?

ME: (annoyed) Ummm, no, and don't call our house again.

MR. DONNIE: OK, and why don't you lose the attitude next time?

ME: Why don't you go f*ck yourself? (slams down phone.)


I'm so proud.

Trigger Happy with the camera yesterday.

Ice cream at Chick-Fil-A.

Attack cats. Aren't you scared?

School supply shopping. Bill's so cheap --
check out all the Target brand stuff.

BooBerry-in-a-box. No assembly required.

Me last night before dinner
with neighbors at Hiko-A-Mon.

Fun with Spellcheck.